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Zwaffellen (v), (En. : To Zwaffel) to hit an object or person with the semi-erect penis.

The full disturbing details of rogue squaddie behaviour (Dutch for once) can be found here.

Kaye provides a good summary of the phenomenon within the Dutch forces:

Zwaffeling has taken on grotesque form since I left NCO school. What we call "underofficer" (Read: NCO) school is your Jr and Sr Brecon course combined into one.

When I was there a few years ago there were times when no-one would sit with his back to the door in my barracks room. Because you would inevitably be zwaffeled.

The trend broke the surface of general recognition when a posh school boy got fined for zwaffeling the Taj Mahal in India and putting a film of it on Youtube! since then everything has been zwaffeled: The palace on the Dam; Policemen; Churches; monuments and Marechaussees on guard outside palaces.

So our complaining little chap [who got a prolific zwaffeller fired, which subsequently resulted in a court case] is in good company. His reaction to the -sometimes filthy- habit of dickslapping makes me think he is from a corps. Teeth arm people tend not to be so upset when confronted with another mans schlong making audible contact with their neck. Anyway, complaining is the cowards way out. The best thing is to take firm grip of your section members member and give it a proper twist... That will give him something to think about and -if you do it well- also spoil his weekend. (Not to mention his bell end :x )

When you take up zwaffeling, your member should be half erect. You will then achieve A: A larger member to zwaffel with; B: A better grip, for better impact and C: A more satisfying swatting sound when your manhood connects with its intended target.

Anyway. If you want to know more. ask Cloggie. He is a notorious zwaffeler in my old company. He is thought to be the one that zwaffeled a certain -generally disliked- warrant officers' pace stick and leave stains... This was the WOI that accompanied me to the KMS (NCO school) and gave me wrong instructions about when to be there and what dress to wear. He then had me stand on parade for the GOC in the wrong dress. So I had no motive AT ALL!!! Wuzn't me...

So there you have it... The related sport of Airbumming is clearly for pussies!

Counter Point

While Zwaffelling is indeed hardcore, there is little chance that it will be the sport the UK is allowed to introduce at the 2012 Olympic Games. Airbumming stands a far better chance given the fact that it is possible to Airbum without Police, the courts and The Sun getting involved.


Apparently us Cloggies took our filthy habits to Afghanistan. Our Zwaffeling ways so amused our Ozzie colleagues that one of their diplomats wrote a song about it. Check this linky to Youtube Zwaffelen op de Dixi

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