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Westlands

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United Kingdoms premier Garage Door manufacturer. In their spare time, they have been known to build a few helicopters.

Kept in trade by the Government for eons. If they were to go it alone and live by reputation and product support, they would have done less business than DeLorean. The Westland salesmen wear trilbies, camelhair coats, plastic loafers with white socks and lots of crude and flashy jangly, jangly jewellery and drive Ford Scorpio Ghias.


If you drive through Yeovil factory gates, there is cheap bunting across the main gates with crudely cut luminous cardboard 'stars' stuck on the windscreens of 'one careful owner' Lynx and 'low mileage' Sea Kings. Salesmen mantra - "It’s a steal; it’s a deal, its sale of the fucking century".

You know when you want to get your driveway tarmacced? The wife's been harping on and on about it and she's made you sacrifice your dream of owning the entire World At War collection on video so you can pay for it, so you promise to sort it. You want to go to that really good tarmac company on the other side of town - they did your mate's drive and it's gleaming - but you know if you do that the Pikeys camped out down the road will key your car and put your windows through with a brick, so you have no choice but to walk down the way to negotiate with some fat, bare chested old git with a wonky eye, while his scab-ridden wife and terrifying children look on. You walk back home, somehow 2 grand out of pocket and the proud owner of a sickly-looking doberman puppy. 3 months later your drive looks like the epicentre of a major earthquake, your wife has left you and a caravan housing an adolescent, rutting couple and 5 incontinent jack russels is in your front garden.

Well, those Pikeys are Westlands. They and Insys, their thieving partners in crime, will hang for treason one day if a sensible government gets in and realises that the money wasted by those two could have gone toward more/better CBA, better rifles and air support that actually works, and those things may have kept some poor squaddie alive.