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The Sun

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Your Super-Soar-away...


A newspaper in only the loosest possible way... think total slapper, takes-it-in-every orifice, spit-roasting loose. The Sun caters to those who vocabulary is in the 400 word range. Also known colloquially as the 'Currant Bun', 'The Scum', 'The Snu' or 'The Stun'. The Sun is read by people who don’t care who runs the country, as long as she’s got big tits.

Rubber Dick

The sun is a foreign-owned tabloid that styles itself as the forces' newspaper, while gleefully taking each and every opportunity to slip us the Rubber Dick, usually in relation to affairs between married soldiers. They are, of course, quite entitled to take a lofty moral stand, as it would be quite unthinkable for such shenanigans to occur within a newspaper office.


While maintaining an outwardly patriotic and even nationalist editorial line, it aspires to influence political discourse in this country to benefit the bottom line of a foreign media conglomerate. In a nutshell it's read by mongs, chavs and tossers in white vans - the self-same, face-painted, stout yeomen of Merrie Ingerlund that can be seen wrecking bars and restaurants on the continent in the name of 'patriotism'.


As the paper continues to support Gordon Brown, cynics on ARRSE have suggested a link between the frequency and timing of military 'shock-horror'-type stories and government announcements of forces cutbacks, which is a tadge paranoid in my opinion, but does demonstrate the loathing many have for The Sun. Many thoughtful ARRSErs believe the army should boycott The Sun.

Slap Head

The fact that the editor's gay/bi slap-headed, pie-eating clown of a husband portrays SAS hard man "Henno" in "Ultimate Force" is in no way connected to the curiously lavish and frequent write ups it gets in the TV section. No siree. Contrast this with the editor's curiously ambivalent views on domestic violence, which means that some incidents receive massive publicity, whilst others go virtually unreported. Weird, eh?


Even though the staff of The Sun are conservative, they must take orders from the Australian Republican Rupert Murdoch who does deals with Tony Blair. There was a time when The Sun could sway public opinion, however as it backs Labour, it has become increasingly irrelevant and only seeks to impersonate its former self. In recent years The Sun has started to oscillate wildly between supporting Labour and the Conservatives thus confusing its mono-browed readers who now longer have a clue which way to vote.


Nor the fact that guests at his fortieth birthday bash included Gordon Brown, Cherie Blair, David Blunkett, Greg Dyke, and Met Police Chief Sir John Stevens. Sweet.

Old Scrote

Also see Hillsborough and Piers Morgan.