Occasionally, even the best of us implode, leading to such a drunken strop on the internet that an inevitable su-wah-cide occurs. One particular classic was committed on Arrse by BlotBangRub, a regular user with a penchant for the Boys in Blue rather than the military.
Some mystery surrounds the cause of BlotBangRub's silent hours cry for hilarity, but as usual it emerged that his bint had screwed him over. For some reason, our resident Dixon of Dock Green chose to cry for help not on sensible forums, or even on the phone to the Samaritans, but in the Naafi Bar of all places.
Making some kind of coherent sense about his plight, he offered up a cryptic "No tablets, no glock, shabby. she of cours eis too self indulgent to even reply. Todayha sbeen te worst day of my life.". Filthyphil, an Arrse master of the one-liner (and once quoted by Kira Cochrane, and you all remember what happened there) came back with a typical offering of "Don't look now, but she's fcuked off with your vocabulary as well."
Now descending into rage, BBR proceeds to offer out all and sundry, amid his increasing offers to also fight himself into the afterlife. The NAAFI audience maintained its usual intellectual level, fending off the Grief Ghouls as they appeared to kiss the arrse of a plod they had never met.
After intense speculation, BlotBangRub finally could see straight enough to operate a keyboard once again. After 14 hours in the wilderness..., He steps up. He mans up. He deals with it. Like a true copper. Like a hero. He deletes his avatar, along with every post he has made in the last 3 months.
A number of lessons can be learned here.
- - Women. Snakes with tits, the lot of them. But what's an occasional black eye between lovers, eh BBR?
- - If you actually need emotional help, for fucks sake don't come on here, especially in the NAAFI
- - If you're going to be an emotional clown and threaten to off yourself on the internet, at least lop a finger off or something, otherwise you're now a suicide walt.