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Student spotted studying. Government inquiry promised

Students are nasty, filthy, work-shy types who run up a huge Taxpayer's bill and then have the audacity to complain that they have to work for three hours a week. It might just be jealousy talking, but they just tend to get drunk and shag each other.

The word 'Student' comes from a combination of Latin words: Stu meaning that they stew in their own juices and filth; and Dent meaning depression. These people are always miserable and protesting despite living the high life on other peoples' money.

Students are generally regarded as nothing more than parasites with zero life experience - but with opinions amounting to bugger all on everything. They often refuse to listen and continue as if they know best, resulting in smacked bottoms and early nights all round.

Military Wing

There is a rather odd sub-species of student - and ones that wear the Queen's uniform no less. UOTC cadets are invariably funded by mummies and daddies - and a Saturday job scooping out bins and lavatories of KFC. This is where all the military knowledge they possess comes from and puts them in a position to offer advice across the forums.

Many new TA recruits are grateful for this advice from such experience and none of them - upon realising it's utter bollocks - want to set about them with an ice cream scoop and sock full of 9v batteries on release from the training staff.

Hot or Not

Hubba Hubba Hubba !

Occasionally there are pretty girl students but they spoil things by avoiding soap, wearing ridiculous flowery frocks, not brushing their teeth and uttering tosh about the Nuclear Deterrent and the state of the NHS - none of which the spotty trout contributes to, being a tax-dodging, work-shy fop.

So to summarize...

In all of UK history there have only ever been three worthwhile students (Mike wasn't funny) and they were just actors pretending to be idle turds.

Saying all of that, being at University is great way to waste time, drink, rack up a huge student loan and come away with a degree in ethnic basket-weaving.

Clearly, whoever wrote the above hasn't met a student in quite awhile, since these days, most of them have no views on anything worth while and are mostly interested in themselves. Oh and the cleanliness of the female students has improved remarkably.