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After finishing basic training or RMAS the great majority of soldiers and junior officers suddenly realise that nobody is going to get on their arse if they start using their own kit. After a flashy smock, one of their first purchases is usually a stove which will replace nasty, smelly, dirty hexy.

Suddenly, everything is wonderful: bright sunlight fills the sky, birds start singing. As if by magic, you can make a brew in the field without coating your mug or mess tin in an inch-thick layer of sticky, black sludge, and you're no longer highlighting your position to every single person in a five mile radius.

But which to choose from the plethora of high quality items now available to the discerning field gourmet? The trusty 'Peak 1'? The perennial 'Bluey Gaz'? Or the high-tech, high-price 'Jetboil'? Actually, it doesn't matter: as soon as you get to Brize on exercise or deployment, some fuckwitted RAF Mover will confiscate it as dangerous air cargo and you'll be back to square one, and a few quid poorer.