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St Helens

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Put very simply St Helens is a land of Plastic Scousers. They all wish they lived in Liverpool but alas they do not. Apart from their greatest achievement, some glass making plant, they have a college.

Once a hangout for Purple Aki and home of a detatchment of 4 PARA, as well as home town to HQ Bty and a gun troop of 103 Regt RA(V)

Also known as Land of the Trolley Mong as high career achievers can expect to find themselves on the doors of the local Asda asking "D'ya want a trolley or a bashket?"

Most of the population is blessed with six toes and webbed feet which makes summer sandal wearers an interesting sight. Not least as the ability to put shoes on the correct feet seems to be only taught at the 16+ "Special Person" level.

In the very unlikely event that you ever visit try standing on a street corner for 10 minutes and counting the number of village idiots who walk past.

This college offers enlightened courses such as "nail painting", hairdressing and a few business related courses. It was feared that these business types may have been shunned by the community as a whole due to their ability to read above an early primary school level. There is also a creche. This is indicative of the high level of early teen impregnations within this area, especially when there are more children there than Students.

They do have some rather nice totty yet it is unfortunate about their intellectual skills. However, if we're honest, no one goes looking for totty in St Helens to find a PhD student. They are filthy, they are pretty, they may already have four kids but it just means their chest will be bigger and the skirt shorter.