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Soldier Magazine

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The official magazine of the British Army. No matter what your opinion is of this magazine (and there are plenty) at least we get it for free. And it is (after all) a decent read - especially when on the bog, on stag, or stuck on the usual slow army transport.

Soldier mag has come on leaps and bounds over the last few years but that could be down to the fact that we are busy as f*ck all over the world as part of Team America! So the mag practically writes itself. The magazine's sole purpose seems to be to tell us how great being in the Army is. Without it, we'd forget within days.


Typically articles focus on:

  • The change round of battalions on ops.
  • Write ups on how good our kit is.
  • How we are fed the best food in the World (but amazingly only costs 20p a person) and other back stroking interests.
  • Media reviews - books, DVDs, CDs etc.
  • Sports news.

Letters Page

The funniest and least informative part of the mag. Plenty of gripes are put across that then receive the most condescending and vaguest reply - without actually answering the question. Often some Major will quote some regulations leaving the reader thinking WTF?

Gripes are not confined to the ranks. Oh no. Many a Colonel has fought back in regards to past answers, but they also get the media version of two fingers.

Occasionally there will be a success story where some regiment had run out of socks and Soldier mag - via the letters page - managed to get a box of fifty pairs delivered within the month. However it was rumoured they were not matching pairs!


Basically come in two different types:

The Good

Medal and uniform suppliers and tailors - handy indeed.

The Bad

Hundreds of vulture-like companies fighting tooth and nail trying to lure some poor squaddie into buying something else he doesn't need. Some examples:

  • 'Cheapest smock in the UK. ONLY £345.99. 500 weekly instalments of £99.00 - DON'T MISS OUT!'
  • 'Duty Free car - SAVE £10 on this superb UK spec model.'

Things you never see in Soldier

  • A proper reply from Command saying 'Don't worry Soldier X. I'll get it sorted within the week. Ring up your failure of a Chief Clerk, rip his balls off and get your pay sorted!'
  • The CGS saying '... actually the boys do look a bit shagged!'
  • The idiot responsible for the 'Chuckle with Chip' cartoon ever writing a funny one.
  • Even some half-decent soft porn. This would go down a treat. The closest Soldier has come to including some baffable materiel is either some doris in cycling shorts or a 14st. munter in a swimsuit doing her swimming test. Missed opportunities.


Soldier Magazine