The British Military Open Encyclopedia - ARRSE-Pedia. Back to British Army Rumour Service Home

General Sir Mike Jackson

From ARRSEpedia
(Redirected from Sir Michael Jackson)
Jump to: navigation, search
_665133_jackson300.jpg
General Sir Mike

Full name: General Sir Michael David "Mike" Jackson GCB CBE DSO DL (late PARA)

Same name as the grotesque American paedophile cosmetic surgery addict but slightly less scary to look at. Who knows how this will change as Sir Michael follows Michael Jackson (Popstar) down the slippery slope of plastic facial reconfiguration.

Previous holder of the British Army's most senior position as Chief of the General Staff. Legendary for his drinking abilities, death stare and a face that suffered the hardest paper round in NATO. Originally commissioned into the Intelligence Corps, he transferred to The Parachute Regiment as a Captain, in time to be Adjutant of 1 Para on Bloody Sunday.

Despite his somewhat ferocious reputation, respect for Sir Michael has wavered in recent years as he has given the impression that he has been 'house-trained' by New Labour. His dismissal of the idea that British forces on Operation TELIC 1 were suffering from kit shortages came as a surprise to those who were in Iraq without NBC consumables, plates for their CBA, ammunition for their weapons and suitable desert clothing. When tackled on TV regarding overstretch within the Armed Forces (the Army in particular) he retorted with: "Before we can define what overstretch is we first need to understand what understretch is!" Funnily enough he never mentioned this again due to the fact he was talking a load of bollocks.

Spat his dummy out big style when told that Norman Kember hadn't said thank you to the allies 5 seconds after being rescued. Never mind the fact that Kember had been kept in poor conditions for months and worrying about his head taking a holiday to the Tigris without him. (I think I'd be a bit dazed after all that)

Mike (or Sir Jackson as he is known to his chav mates) got his retirement clock, his set of golden handshake honours and so become a civvi. Having served his Furher (T Blair) well, it was expected he'd get a full set and slide off to a cushy job in BAE where he'd make pronouncements that British Army kit is probably the best (and certainly NOT the most highly marked up) kit in the world.

A classic illustration of The Golden Rule of High Command.

Nicknames

Not that I can imagine that anyone would be brave enough to call him this to his face:

  • Prince of Darkness
  • Cha'mon Muthaf***er

Recent Developments

Sir Mike has recently (Dec 2006) stopped delivering the party line and has started to give the MoD and the Government a shoeing regarding the poor way squaddies are paid and housed (although some have said its too little too late). Specifically he said the British armed forces were neglected and 'asked to do too much'. Obergruppenfecker Reid came in for a serious savaging regarding his comments that he hoped British troops would do their time in the Stan 'without firing a shot'. Naive doesn't really cover that statement now does it? (... unless you've no knowledge of British Empire history of course!)