Scotland - Gods Green Land
When God created the world he made a place of perfection - Scotland. It had green rolling hills in the south, fertile plains in the middle and stark barren places of awesome beauty in the north. In this land he placed a people of wit, intelligence and a goodly nature - 'the Scots'. He gifted them with the finest spirit known to man (whisky), the finest food (lorne 'flat' sausage) and even the humble coo was made superior. However, to ensure that the other nations of the world did not feel a huge jealousy to these 'scots', he gave them the biggest bunch of barsteward neighbors you can imagine.
When barbs moved to England he constantly annoyed his English acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's so marvellous, how come you didn't stay there?" "Well," explained barbs "they're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all".