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SENTA

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Are you looking for an idyllic, scenic area of outstanding natural beauty to gently top up your tan and have semi naked moisten young French girls....

Tough, Sennybridge is wet, cold, wet, miserable, wet, pretty hilly, wet and full of ACF that chose to come here and really should have known better. Also, its often been known to rain.


Here are some of the highlights of a majestic stay in the muddiest bit of Wales...

Farms 1,3 and 5: Consider yourself lucky. You've got central heating, running water, doors on the bogs, double glazing and even carpets in some rooms. Staying here usually means you have some sort of exercise ahead likely to make you cry and the Ruperts have taken pity on you.

Dixies corner: A big shed. Not been cleaned since 2005 when an ATC cadet found a broom and inhaled so much dust they spoke like they'd smoked 20 Silk Cut a day for 30 years. Look out for the inexplicable iron bar going midway across the front door that everyone cracks their shin on.

Z range: Oh dear.

J1, J2 and J3 ranges: Little in the way of hills around here, which is good. But leaves you very exposed to the weather. Which is bad. J3 is bloody big, you can shoot from 1000m but expect rounds to land on J1 when its windy.

F range: Great fun. Pop up targets all over the place and a rusting tank in the background. No one seems quite sure why its there but every now and then you'll be treated to a satisfying PING!

FIBUA: Next to F range. Built to represent a real East German village. If any Germans had chosen to settle in a place as god awful as this, Communism was worse than we thought.

The basic message is bring waterproofs, and get a copy of the local yellow pages, some places will deliver pizzas all over the training area.

And don't come back if you can help it.