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Rolos

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While shopping in the sweets department of Harrods one cold, but sunny afternoon in December 76, Her Majesty decided that the chaps could do with a bit of cheering up, and decided that her favourite sweet, the humble Rolo, was just the small brown chewy thing for the job.

The ADC was summoned and the order was passed. As the order was from the top, the inclusion of Rolos was of no great consequence, and may indeed have morale benefits, little thought was given to the affair and and by the mid 80s Rolos were indeed to be found in Rations.

Little did anyone suspect they they would turn out to be devil's gruff nuts of the rat pack. It is easy to be wise after a disaster, but some obvious warning signs were overlooked in the procurement process. So what went wrong?

1. Rolos have a low melting point (22.64C), yet are as tough as araldite when cold. Inexplicably, liquid Rolos instinctively explore their surroundings, probing deep in to all corners, seams and holes.

2. Rolos are individually wrapped in a high strength titanium foil which when crumbled in to the rolo in the rough and tumble of military operations, forms a composite mixture of extrordinary strength and abbrasiveness: SFR - shredded foil and rolo.

3. SFR is a particularly powerful glue for many fabrics - combat jacket pockets, webbing pouches, trouser pockets, can all be sealed for ever with small quanitites of SFR.

4. SFR can be softened orally, but results in excessive dental wear, and dangerous levels of stress from spending days attempting to extract stubborn and very sharp SFR from between the teeth.

Maninblack added; There is but one true Rolo, and that Rolo is Arabic. Between 1980 and 1990 every ratpack had a packet of Rolos that were for some reason covered in Arabic script. Was this some form of primitive "goolie chit"?


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