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A Weapon. Long tube with feel pretty swirly lines up the inside of it, a chamber for a bullet at one end and a hole at the other.

Otherwise known as "The Rifle" (referring to SA80), a 'long' (by Walts) or a GAT (useful to know in Telgraph crossword clues - has appeared a couple of times to make up 'stag' or similar).

Also, a useful guide for distinguishing between rifles and guns:

Also of note:

  1. (n.) This is my rifle. There are many others like it, but this one is mine.
  2. (n.) This is my spunk gun, with which I impale females/males (if a bhatti boy). It is distinguished from my rifle in several respects.

If I mistake it for my rifle, several things may occur.

  1. If I attempt to slay mine enemies with it, I will surely end up either dead or sucked off and buggered by a big camp gorilla-man with a blue oyster cult moustache who nevertheless prefers the company of men, and enjoys a bit of uphill gardening in his council allotment. In either case, I will end up in a bloodied mess on the floor, either dead or wishing I was.
  2. If I mistake my rifle for my gun and insert said rifle into my lover, unless she is Eskimo Nell, she won't be my lover for much longer, and will be a bloodied mess on the floor, and I will still require a root.

The way to distinguish your rifle from your gun is to follow this handy guide:

  • Is it made largely of metal? Unless you are a bionic man, if YES, then you're holding a rifle.
  • Is it longer than 12 inches? If yes, it's probably a rifle.
  • Does it have to be stroked repeatedly or inserted into another person's body parts to make it discharge? If no, then it's probably a rifle.
  • Does it posess a magazine, pistol grip, sight and working parts? If yes, it's probably a rifle.
  • Does it go off half cocked? If yes, then it's probably a misfunctioning spunk gun.
  • Is it fired from the shoulder or from between the hips?
  • Is the discharge white, gelatinous and low-velocity, or hard and high-velocity?
  • Would you consider causing it to discharge in your gonk bag?

You are now fully qualified to tell the difference between a rifle and a spunk gun.


  • Australia/New Zealand/Falklands - F88
  • Bermuda - Ruger AC-556
  • Canada - Diemaco C7
  • French Foreign Legion - FAMAS
  • Fiji - Daewoo K2
  • Jamaica - L1A1 SLR
  • South Africa - Vektor R4
  • United Kingdom - SA80

See Equipment