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Religious Wars

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Wars are fought for many reasons. Resources (ie Spams v Iraq for oil), Land Grab (ie Spams v Spanish for Texas), Revenge (ie Spams v Japan for Pearl Harbour), Morality (ie Spams v Germany re Nazism) but the best reason of all for a war is Religion (NeoSpams v ??? still to start).

Religious wars have been around as long as man has had religion. Religion is by its very nature a subjective one. Everyone has their own opinion about what their religion is all about. This makes for disagreements but where the word of god is concerned there can be NO compromise. This leads to schisms and that leads to cries of KILL THE HERETIC which in turn leads to war. Surrender in this sort of war just increases the body count and the pain the surrendee suffered before death. Usually in slow and extremely inventive ways (the best to show the dirty heretic the error of his ways).

Religions that are separated by distance that meet for the first time will first eye each other suspiciously, examine each other for similarities and then the closer the similarities, the more vigorously they kick the shit out of each other.

The list of religious arrse kicking competitions is damn near infinite but here are a few to get things started. Please add any you feel should get a mention for sheer bloody spectacle:

  • Jews v Islam ... Kicked off late 7th century and pretty constant since with the jews getting the shitty end of the shoeing. Recently: 1948-49, 56, 67, 69-70, 73, 82, 2006? with the IDF dishing it out.
  • Christians v Jews
- Medieval Germany, France, England, Spain, Italy, and Byzantium all have persecuted Jews en mass using them as a scapegoat, to get out of debts, they killed christ and just because. Includes the Spanish Inquisition.
- Nazi Germany (nuff said)
  • Catholics v Protestants:
-Spanish v Dutch (kicked off 1566 but really got underway 1576-1648),
-Spanish v English (1585-1588 + Armada + much raiding),
-French v French (wow! a guaranteed French win! Persecution of Huguenots early 1500's till 1789),
-Glasgow Rangers v Glasgow Celtic (every year since 1888)
  • Christians v Muslims ... started by lets say
-The Moorish Invasion of Spain 711ad,
-Multiple crusades (more than 9, 1095-1271) by the Christians into the Levant,
-Spain retaken for christianity during the Reconquista 722 till 1492,
-Ottoman Turks conquer christian Europe right up to Vienna 1400-1683 then beaten back,
-G W Bush (debatably a fundamentalist christian) looses US armed forces on Iraq 2003.
  • Catholics v Aztecs - Hernando Cortez does his best in 1519 using steel sword, aquebus, cannon and epidemic to decimate the Aztec Empire and rob it blind. Led to 200,000 spaniards moving to south america. The population of native Indians went from 25.3 million in 1519, to a scant 1 million in 1605. Slaves in their own country.

Christian Hypocrisy:

One particular irony in Christian religious warfare is that, according to the Bible, Jesus left one commandment indicating how Christians should live after him:

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another" (John 13:34).

The generally accepted interpretation is that this new commandment supersedes all others...while not necessarily overturning the previous Mosaic Laws, it means that followers of Christ should practice love and forgiveness in the way he demonstrated if a conflict arises. ("Let he without sin," etc.) Theological bollocks aside, we don't see nothin' in the New Commandment that says it's OK to shoot abortion doctors, supports the notion that "God hates fags" or -- most importantly -- indicates that we should slaughter the unbelievers in His name.

Muslim Hypocrisy:

The Jihad or 'Struggle' that we are familiar with is 'Jihad by the Sword' (holy war). This is SUPPOSED to be the last resort once the jihad of Speech and that of Study has failed to convince/defeat an evil. Dont know about you but no-one came round my door telling me about how allah wants to save me or even got an allah wants you for a sunbeam pamphlet shoved under the door. Looks like they jumped straight to the last resort cause its more fun to blow up non-combatants than actually talk to anyone. Not that we'd listen to a bunch of bearded, dress wearing, morally dubious, bigoted, hypocritical, religious misogynists but they should at least have made the effort!

Secondly Islam is a tolerant religion ... according to the Koran. (It doesnt take long to find verse 9:5, the so-called "verse of the Sword" which cancels out no fewer than 124 " tolerant" verses). The Koran says that the jews and the christians aren't that far away doctrinally and therefore should be left in peace to let them come round in their own time (apart from the whole jizya "protection money" thing, see 9:29, and them being second-class citizens, or dhimmis). For all they whine about the Koran being the only true way, the tolerant understanding is simply ignored. Christians and jews in Islamic countries are harassed, victimized, persecuted and generally treated like second class citizens (see Sura 9 in toto). Westerners are usually fairly safe from state sponsored bigotry but gods help you if you convert TO Christianity FROM Islam. You can easily find yourself sentenced to death for being an apostate (traitor to the faith).

Honour Killings, what the fuck can you say about this? Killing a member of your own family (usually female) because she brought 'shame' to the family. The shame is extremely subjective and seems to revolve around not doing as they are told, i.e. marrying people they have never met OR refusing to hide away under a blanket and never leaving the house. Sharia law seems to take a lenient and relaxed attitude to this - thank fuck we dont and if it ever looks like being enacted in this country, give me a shout and I'll come join the lynch mob for whichever Home Secretary suggested it.


Contrary to popular liberal belief, fighting and indeed war are compulsory in Islam, this has a basis not just in the Koran, but also in the Hadith, "the traditions". The "jihads of speech and thought" have absolutely no basis in the Scripture (or are abrogated by later verses) and are a later construct.

For a marvellous collection of particularly nasty quotes from the Koran and the Hadith, see here