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Refighting The Falklands War Threads

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Where would ARRSE be without the perennial 'Refighting the Falklands War' threads?

Any time the Argies even so much as mention "Las Malvinas" dozens of these threads can be relied upon to start up, usually with only the subtlest of differences between them.

As cpunk put it:

"Boring bunch o'bollox which has been done so often on Arrse that the posts can almost write themselves..."

Standard Format for any Falklands Thread, with timeline

  • [t=0] Original poster, with no reference to any existing threads, puts up a link to a marginal news story about how some Argie academic has "proven" that "Las Malvinas" are part of the continental shelf of Blah Blah Blah...
  • [t+0:00:30] Immediate response by drive-by abuser, usually along the lines of "Them argy cnuts can fcuk of".
  • [t+0:05:00] Reasoned response by erudite Arrser, roughly amounting to "It's the usual sabre-rattling bollox, their economy must be in the sh1t again, ignore it".
  • [t+0:06:00] First mention of CVF, usually along with F35 i.e. "Have we got the capability to retake..." etc. et-fucking-cetera.
  • [t+0:06:30] First mention of NeuArbeit, Gordon Brown et al.
  • [t+0:10:00] Old'n'Bolds start to offer their services. First mention of SLR.
  • [t+0:10:30] First mention of DMS. Smell of Werthers and piss pervades the thread for a while.
  • [t+0:30:00] Erudite Arrser or Mod (not always a mutually exclusive classification) once again tries to calm everyone down by pointing out the marginality of the source and the unlikeliness of any military action by the Argies.
  • [t+0:30:30] "Are we too over-committed elsewhere..."
  • [t+0:45:00] The RAF turn up late and point out that the four Typhoons at RAF Mt. Pleasant mean that the Argie air force would be able to "recover their downed pilots from the middle of the South Atlantic by the light of the burning ships of their invasion force".
  • [t+0:45:30] RAF-baiting begins.
  • [t+0:50:00] First mention of C-130s still being able to land on the supposedly disabled runway at Stanley throughout the Falklands War.
  • [t+1:00:00] "FFS not another Falklands thread!" - often accompanied by links to the other threads currently running on the same subject. Thread quietens down briefly.
  • [t+3:00:00] Another drive-by abuser bumps the thread back to the top of the page.
  • [t+3:05:30] Random (amusing) anecdote by someone posted to FI in 1988. Usually involving penguins. Not always, but frequently, involving the locals.
  • [t+3:06:00] First use of the term "Stills".
  • [t+3:30:00] First mention of the MILF-ness of the Argie President.
  • [t+3:30:30] Comparison of said MILFy Argie President with Margaret Thatcher.
  • [t+3:45:00] Embarrassing revelation along the lines of "To be honest, I would've done her and probably still would". Brief shocked pause.
  • [t+3:55:00] Thread erupts into industrial-strength piss-taking.
  • [t+4:30:00] Thread moved to NAAFI Bar if not already there.

Repeat ad infinitum, ad nauseam