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A now disbanded body of brave men and women who were re-branded by New Labour as The Police Service Of Northern Ireland or P.S.N.I. so as not to offend the terrorists too much.

It could have been worse. The initial proposal was to name them the Northern Ireland Police Service or N.I.P.S. which sounds suspiciously like an abbreviation of nipples.

The basic function of the RUC was to prevent Northern Ireland being taken over by a whiskey sodden band of pseudo-celtic criminal psychopaths in the name of "The Cause". The RUC's task has largely gone unnoticed by the apathetic population of the British mainland. Many hundreds have been shot, blown up and mutilated over the years.

On 12 April 2000, the RUC was collectively awarded the George Cross for bravery in dealing with the terrorist threat.

A relatively competent police force in comparison with the P.S.N.I.