|Dry Your Eyes, Princess|
How it all began
Princess Productions are a TV production company, notable for their excellent contributions to absolutely nothing of value. Their world and the ARRSE world happily moved in their own circles for years, blissfully unaware of each others existence.
That is, of course, until late one Friday afternoon, 21st of October 2011. An employee of Princess Productions, Lucy Weston, decided that it would be a rather jolly idea to fly Soldiers' wives and newborn children out to a combat zone in order to surprise them.
I'll copy it here so you can be sure nothing is lost in the edit:
The original post
I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I am a television researcher for a TV production company called Princess Productions. I was wondering if anyone might be able to help with a pilot TV show I am currently working on.
The show is going to be a combination of Surprise Suprise and Flashmob (the current phenomenon made famous by the T-Mobile advert). So we are currently looking for incredible people who could be the recipients of the surprise of their lives, a massive super-sized celebration to say thank you, give someone a huge send off, ask somebody to marry them or reveal some exciting news.
We thought it would be a lovely idea to surprise soldiers currently serving in Afghanistan. Maybe they are yet to meet their newborn babies. We would like to give them a huge surprise by flying the baby and all the family over for a massive moral boosting exercise and chance for him to cradle the son or daughter he has never met. We also want to treat the soldiers to a huge flashmob style thank-you from all the British public for the on-going work they are doing.
We obviously understand the logistics involved in this might be complicated. At this stage I was just wondering if you might know of anyone who this might be applicable to, if you could help to spread the word to fellow supporters and family members or if you could kindly put me in touch with anyone who might be able to help further with my enquiries?
I would really appreciate anything anyone could do to help. I was just wondering if you might know of anyone who this might be applicable to, if you could help to spread the word to fellow supporters and family members or if you yourself have a special someone you would like to give the surprise of their lives. Anyone interested can email me on *************.
I hope to hear from you soon!
Of course, the members of ARRSE were overjoyed that the Media wished to honour them in this way. I mean, who wouldn't want their wife and newborn baby being brought out to meet them in a FOB in Afghanistan. Perhaps they might even be able to film the reunited family sweeping a dusty track for Taleban IEDs. It would make great TV.
Well, the reactions of some of the ARRSE members were a little surprising. In fact, I think Lucy had the surprise of her life.
It’s difficult to suppress the rage, but wiping the froth from my mouth, I have a mucker who’s currently serving. Perhaps you could throw his newborn out of the back of a plane over his CP? I bet he would be really surprised.- Quiet_Soldier
Firstly, not a good idea to “suprise” a soldier on tour. Secondly, if I was on tour and you flew my wife/GF with newborn in to an operational theatre of conflict, I would punch your fcuking lights out – Wellyhead
Look, this young innocent lady went out of her way to google British Army, to find the epicentre of all military and human knowledge available on this planet, to research a watery-eyed corporate money-maker off of our and our relatives backs, and to get up in the rankings of one of the ugliest companys known within the shores of Great Britain. – Aleegee 1698
I think it’s a fucking brilliant idea. Watch a coked up tv crew get pissed around from pillar to post by RAF Movers. After three days of sleeping on plastic chairs and eating horror bag meals, the presenter then has the shit kicked out of them – on camera – for having the worst possible idea of bringing family members into an operational theatre. You could call it “Surprised? I’ll give you surprised, you retarded fucking mouth-breathing civvy-media c**t”. - Sure fire hit. Oh, and could Piers Morgan present? – dropshortjock
The Gronk Board
Naturally, the "serious" thread spawned asatanic little brother in theNAAFI Bar, where the personal qualities of the Princess Production "team" were discussed at length, after reference to their Gronk Board. Julie Kaye won it by miles because me Julie is well fit.
The Backpedal and the Scapegoat
Eventually, Princess Productions realised that not all publicity is good publicity, and issued a super-injunction on ARRSE forcing the removal of the original thread, but then surprisingly posting acrap apologyfor the original message, blaming a very junior member of staff after which the original thread was re-instated, albeit edited and locked.