Politics is the art or science of appearance of government or governing, especially the governing of a political entity by monkeys, such as a nation, and the administration and illusion of control of its internal and external affairs.
If you want to know more about politics, consider the use of mind-bending drugs, electric shock therapy and if the urge persists Napalm Deth; if the music doesn't kill you, the practice hopefully will.
It should also be noted that ARRSE is awash with pseudo-intellectual types who believe they are politically very savvy indeed. If you can stand the histrionics, posturing, name-dropping and gratuitous use of smilies, then browse away.
Political Parties in the UK
|House of Commons||Scotland||Wales||Northern Ireland||Europe|
|Labour Party||355||46||26||N/A||19||Traditionally left-wing now claims the "centre ground" of British politics; allied to Trade unions; free market policies have replaced its earlier socialist platform in recent years; supports greater European integration; socially progressive|
|Conservative Party||197||17||12||0||27||Centre-right to right-wing party; committed to free markets since 1940s; opposes greater European integration; socially conservative|
|Liberal Democrats||63||16||6||N/A||12||Traditionally centrist, has drifted increasingly to the left since the emergence of New Labour; supports greater European integration; socially progressive|
|Democratic Unionist Party||9||N/A||N/A||36||0||More hardline Unionist party in Northern Ireland, has a rightwing political agenda|
|Scottish National Party||6 [The Scottish National Party and Plaid Cymru work as a group in the House of Commons]||47||N/A||N/A||2||Centre-left party in favour of Scottish independence.|
|Sinn Féin||5||N/A||N/A||28||1 [Sinn Féin have one MEP from a UK constituency and another from the Republic of Ireland.]||Irish Republican party in Northern Ireland, supports Socialism. Do not take their seats in the House of Commons.|
|Plaid Cymru||3||N/A||15||N/A||1||Centre-left party in favour of Welsh independence.|
|Social Democratic and Labour Party||3||N/A||N/A||16||0||Constitutional Irish nationalist party in Northern Ireland, has a centre-left and social democratic political orientation.|
|Ulster Unionist Party||1||N/A||N/A||18||1||Unionist party in Northern Ireland which is traditionally an amalgam of the political spectrum, considered more moderate than the Democratic Unionist Party.|
|Respect Coalition (aka RESPECT)||1||N/A||0||N/A||0||Left wing party active in England and Wales; concentrates on an anti-war platform. Ideology is democratic socialism.|
|Independent Kidderminster Hospital and Health Concern||1||N/A||N/A||N/A||N/A||Local party based in Kidderminster.|
|Scottish Green Party||0||2||N/A||N/A||0||Ecologist party in favour of Scottish independence.|
|Alliance Party of Northern Ireland||0||N/A||N/A||7||0||Liberal party in Northern Ireland that aims to breakdown sectarian divisions between Catholics and Protestants. Has a neutral stance on the Constitutional issue of Northern Ireland's status and is linked with the Liberal Democrats|
|Progressive Unionist Party||0||N/A||N/A||1||0||Loyalist party in Northern Ireland broadly sympathetic to the Labour Party, has links to a loyalist paramilitary, the Ulster Volunteer Force.|
|Green Party in Northern Ireland||0||N/A||N/A||1||0||Ecologist party in Northern Ireland.|
|UK Independence Party (aka UKIP)||0||0||0||0||10||Eurosceptic party which favours withdrawal from the EU and free market economics.|
|Green Party of England and Wales||0||N/A||0||N/A||2||Generally centre-left, ecologist party.|
Politicians - WTF??!?
A politician is someone who manages to convince enough people that they are fit to make important decisions about how a society is organized. There are a number of ways they might go about this.
- Pretending to 'care'.
- Threatening violence.
- Lying - possibly the favourite weapon.
- Bribery - although usually only once in power.
- Sucking every voting age citizen's penis, one man at a time.
- Not being a member of the Nazi/Green/Communist parties.
Politicians - How They Get Chosen
- An insincere smile.
- Pretending to have been in a trendy band at University.
- Not being a Person of Apparent African extraction.
- Lack of experience of work of any kind.
- Propensity to despise the Armed Forces.