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Politics is the art or science of appearance of government or governing, especially the governing of a political entity by monkeys, such as a nation, and the administration and illusion of control of its internal and external affairs.

If you want to know more about politics, consider the use of mind-bending drugs, electric shock therapy and if the urge persists Napalm Deth; if the music doesn't kill you, the practice hopefully will.

It should also be noted that ARRSE is awash with pseudo-intellectual types who believe they are politically very savvy indeed. If you can stand the histrionics, posturing, name-dropping and gratuitous use of smilies, then browse away.

Political Parties in the UK

Party Representation Comments
House of Commons Scotland Wales Northern Ireland Europe
Labour Party 355 46 26 N/A 19 Traditionally left-wing now claims the "centre ground" of British politics; allied to Trade unions; free market policies have replaced its earlier socialist platform in recent years; supports greater European integration; socially progressive
Conservative Party 197 17 12 0 27 Centre-right to right-wing party; committed to free markets since 1940s; opposes greater European integration; socially conservative
Liberal Democrats 63 16 6 N/A 12 Traditionally centrist, has drifted increasingly to the left since the emergence of New Labour; supports greater European integration; socially progressive
Democratic Unionist Party 9 N/A N/A 36 0 More hardline Unionist party in Northern Ireland, has a rightwing political agenda
Scottish National Party 6 [The Scottish National Party and Plaid Cymru work as a group in the House of Commons] 47 N/A N/A 2 Centre-left party in favour of Scottish independence.
Sinn Féin 5 N/A N/A 28 1 [Sinn Féin have one MEP from a UK constituency and another from the Republic of Ireland.] Irish Republican party in Northern Ireland, supports Socialism. Do not take their seats in the House of Commons.
Plaid Cymru 3 N/A 15 N/A 1 Centre-left party in favour of Welsh independence.
Social Democratic and Labour Party 3 N/A N/A 16 0 Constitutional Irish nationalist party in Northern Ireland, has a centre-left and social democratic political orientation.
Ulster Unionist Party 1 N/A N/A 18 1 Unionist party in Northern Ireland which is traditionally an amalgam of the political spectrum, considered more moderate than the Democratic Unionist Party.
Respect Coalition (aka RESPECT) 1 N/A 0 N/A 0 Left wing party active in England and Wales; concentrates on an anti-war platform. Ideology is democratic socialism.
Independent Kidderminster Hospital and Health Concern 1 N/A N/A N/A N/A Local party based in Kidderminster.
Scottish Green Party 0 2 N/A N/A 0 Ecologist party in favour of Scottish independence.
Alliance Party of Northern Ireland 0 N/A N/A 7 0 Liberal party in Northern Ireland that aims to breakdown sectarian divisions between Catholics and Protestants. Has a neutral stance on the Constitutional issue of Northern Ireland's status and is linked with the Liberal Democrats
Progressive Unionist Party 0 N/A N/A 1 0 Loyalist party in Northern Ireland broadly sympathetic to the Labour Party, has links to a loyalist paramilitary, the Ulster Volunteer Force.
Green Party in Northern Ireland 0 N/A N/A 1 0 Ecologist party in Northern Ireland.
UK Independence Party (aka UKIP) 0 0 0 0 10 Eurosceptic party which favours withdrawal from the EU and free market economics.
Green Party of England and Wales 0 N/A 0 N/A 2 Generally centre-left, ecologist party.

Politicians - WTF??!?

A politician is someone who manages to convince enough people that they are fit to make important decisions about how a society is organized. There are a number of ways they might go about this.

  • Pretending to 'care'.
  • Threatening violence.
  • Lying - possibly the favourite weapon.
  • Bribery - although usually only once in power.
  • Sucking every voting age citizen's penis, one man at a time.
  • Not being a member of the Nazi/Green/Communist parties.

Politicians - How They Get Chosen


See Politician