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Peter Sutcliffe

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The Yorkshire Ripper of yore

A man who did irreparable damage to the reputation of both the West Yorkshire Tourist Board and the haulage industry [I thought that was Broon?], not to mention the craniums of thirteen hapless ladies.

Sutcliffe, a HGV driver from Bingley near Bradford, decided to embark on a successful career as a serial killer in 1975. Despite being an obvious nutter he avoided the police for six years, slipping through the net an astonishing four hundred times - all this despite Sutcliffe repeatedly handing himself in at various police stations and confessing his sins. On the other hand, the lady survivors who remained to insist he looked just like Jason King and talked local (see below) were turfed out the law shop pronto; their bleats filed and only recognised when the weight of paper evidence threatened to descend through the floor of Millgarth Law Shop.

Even the Great DIY Tool Amnesty of 1980 wasn't enough for the penny to drop - Sutcliffe depositing a tipper-load of Draper's finest ironmongery in the parking slot of the Chief Constable of West Yorkshire Police.

The police were convinced that the murderer was a Geordie after a grainy cassette tape had been left in an in-tray in a Leeds cop shop. Of consequence, the police spent the latter part of the '70s chasing shadows, disappearing up their own arses and arresting half of Newcastle in a weekend swoop - and the other half the following week. No change there then?

Meanwhile, Sutcliffe continued on his murderous spree, leaving a bloody trail of staved-in ladies of the night right up to his front door. And still the police scoured the filth-encrusted streets around the Tyne - and even in it.

It all came to a head in 1981 when Sutcliffe reversed his tipper waggon in to the car park of Hull central police station and deposited a pile of decaying prostitutes in the Assistant Chief Constable's parking slot. The penny dropped. A detective on secondment from Pontefract recognised the MO and arrested Sutcliffe on the spot - for illegal parking. Sutcliffe was promptly fined and released amid vociferous protestations that he was the killer.

A week later Sutcliffe marched in to the station in Hull and threw a severed head at the duty Desk Sergeant. He was immediately arrested for assaulting a police officer.

Britain's most prolific serial killer's rampage of terror eventually came to an end by pure chance when it was discovered that he had several outstanding parking fines and an unpaid Television License. He was immediately incarcerated for the rest of his miserable existence: a cursory warning to all non-fee payers and MDN.

The Yorkshire Ripper today

Today, Sutcliffe is a shadow of his former self, his swarthy good looks that trapped so many unsuspecting whores in to his clutches having given way to an appearance more akin to an overweight pikey. How the mighty fall.

For the weapon aficionado, Sutcliffe’s tool of choice was the 380mm (15”) ball-peen hammer and the Phillips screwdriver.

He was rumoured to be obsessed with black rap artiste MC Hammer and blamed the killings on his 1990 album Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em. This claim was later refuted on the grounds that the murders took place in the '70s and at no time did Mr Sutcliffe demonstrate an ability to successfully predict the titles of Number 2 selling albums twenty years hence.