A Pad nine times out of ten lives on the patch or Married quarters. He will invariably drive a Passat estate with chocolate smears on the back windows and letch at the singlies girlfriends at Squadron functions.
A pads wife has a uniform of Ron hills, white stilettos, a spaghetti hoop stained shirt and an arse that looks like 300lbs of chewed bubblegum. She will also have home made tattoos but so she doesn't look common will have plasters on top of them.
A pads wife may also "entertain" other soldiers whilst said Pad is away on exercise, not uncommon
A switched on pad may also live in a quarter but have bought his own home and have it rented out ready for when he leaves.
Pads are notorious for sneaking into the block and stealing John Wayne because their wives are too fat, stupid and lazy to buy it when they go shopping. Consequently, there is often a faint hum of ordure coming from the XXL Ron Hill Tracksters of 'Mrs Pad'. Pads kids, of course, always stink of shite because they are the type of undisciplined pond life that regularly mistake 'doggie toilets' for sand-pits and use them accordingly.
Pads are notorious for robbing boilies and out of date chocolate from compo packs to treat the nippers on return from exercise. Alternatively they will buy them the w@nkest cheapest toy from the service station en route back to camp.
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