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"The role of an Officer in the Army:

Acting as both leaders and managers, officers are the people responsible for the welfare of soldiers in the British Army. It's down to officers to make the most of their team's unique talents, bring out the best in them in any situation and hold them together when the pressure's on - even in a war setting."


The process which leads to Potential officers being selected to go to Sandhurst culminates in the Army Officer Selection Board, AOSB, formerly the RCB and TCB.

Young Officer

In reality officers just ponce about a lot, shout "Hurrah", wear trousers with offensively loud colours and get naked a lot in the Officers Mess bar. Sooner or later they get promoted to such ridiculous levels of responsibility that the better ones just leave everything alone so that the NCO's run things smoothly, or we insist on playing with our train set and buggering everything up for generations to come.

Young Officer Advice contains a boundless surfeit of words of wisdom learnt by generations of young officers during their painful transition into old officers. It is highly commended to the young officer.

Old Officers

Young Officers often behave as if still at university frittering away their salaries on S.O.U.Ps (Single Officers Useless Purchase) until they meet a bird they've shagged often enough to want to settle down and get married. Eventually they end up married to a horsey-type called Fenella who has a thing for Hermes scarves and tweed. Accompanied by 2.4 kids, a Labrador and a battered Volvo he often owes over half of his salary to the bank and has dreams of retiring to a sheep farm in Wales where the memoires can be written.

Retired Officer

The only people (other than padres) who can catch VD from toilet seats... allegedly

LE Officer

A Late Entry Officer is commissioned from the ranks in order for the Army to capitalise on the experience and wisdom gained during existing military service. They use their experience to sit in the corners at Mess Functions, egging the YOs on to greater feats of stupidity with cries of ' my day....' and '...we used to do this.....' purely for their own amusement.

The Role of an Officer in the RAF

Apart from getting shot down by enemy fire the role of a RAF Officer is to marshall the superior talents and abilities of those under his command and manipulate them to best facilitate his own personal advancement up the greasy pole of promotion. As it is written; " Greater love hath no man than he lays down his friend's lives for his own".


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