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Northumbrian UOTC

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Once well-regarded, this OTC lost much of its status when it allowed 'universities' such as Newcastle (bastard off-shoot of Durham), Northumbria (poly), Sunderland (even worse), and Teeside (don't even start) to join with Durham. Whilst Oxford and Cambridge UOTCs were allowed to retain the name of the senior university despite allowing lesser 'academic establishments' to join, the terrible decision to change the name of Durham University Officer Training Corps to Northumbrian Universities Officer Training Corps was made some time ago by some idiot bureaucrat. It has been suggested (mostly by students from Durham) that had it maintained its former name, it might get a better percentage of the UOTC funds. As it is, budget cut-backs mean that it can no longer afford pens.

That being said, the unit has always held its own in Reserve and Regular Infantry competitions. In 2011 a team of 8 students from NUOTC managed to win the Martial Merlin Competition outright, beating 12 TA units(including 4 Para), and another 2 UOTC's. NUOTC has also maintained bronze medal teams in the renowned Cambrian Patrol Competition for the past several years. Obviously it can still afford to train the students to be more competent than some (unnamed) TA units and the victory proved conclusively that NUOTC are in fact harder than the SAS.


Training can be divided into three stages/year groups.


Basic soldiering skills for first years, with the underlying lessons of "What is a leader?". Mostly an excuse for the third years to get it on with the Fresher girls, particularly if they're a PTI. Training is informally continued after the close of play with lessons in areas as diverse as conflict resolution after being caught urinating in a bin by a policeman. This is infrequently followed by early morning PT which has on occasion consisted of a half marathon in the Highlands of Scotland. The Durham contingent are often absent from this informal training however as they rush back to the Castle they call home, to a place where people know the difference between cords and chinos and can tie their shoelaces.


Seven questions and orders process. Second years delve into "How to be a leader", but this is mostly an excuse to demonstrate to the ex-ACF who are still around (having sneaked in through the Poly) that being able to strip a rifle quicker than anyone else in the unit probably doesn't make you a good officer. Second years are rarely seen as there's only every about 20 of them and they 'train' in warm huts miles away from their distant memories of going in the field. However when they do crop up from time to time in the bar they commonly refer to "This one time on the ski trip."

MOD1 and MOD2 programmes are taught until around February when there is a 'test weekend', proceeding this the year groups amalgamate into one for joint training weekends, unit visits and inter-OTC competitions.

Senior Division

General drunken mincing for the rest of time at Univerisity. At this point they are half-expected to "Be a leader", and might get made a JUO (Junior Under Officer), an SUO (Senior Under Officer) or even the USUO (Unit-SUO). These positions may seem glorified when you're a happy little fresher, but don't be fooled, at this point your biggest responsibility is ignoring your degree whilst trying it on with as many of the freshers as possible.

Three platoons

Throughout each year group people are split into 3 platoons, so that the unit can operate with mixed year group training. These are as follows:

Arras (1 Platoon)

Somme (2 Platoon)

Ypres (3 Platoon)

History of NUOTC

Up until the end July 2012 NUOTC had three subunits which each specialised in a separate field of the army. Due to the intense (but totally harmless) rivalry a controversial decision was made to disband them, until a year later when they realised it was an appalling idea and brought in the previously mentioned platoons, Arras Somme and Ypres.

Kohima Company (Infantry)

Recruiting mostly from the poly, Kohima is composed mostly of stupid people who consider themselves ever so slightly superior to the SAS. Having previously boasted as to their manliness, their training last year consisted almost entirely of range days and not sleeping out at all. That said, they did distinguish themselves this year by finally managing to field a team for the Cambrian Patrol Competition which did very well and was awarded a bronze.

This achievement was marred slightly by the confusion perpetrated by certain individuals that bronze meant third place, rather than being the equivalent of a 2:2 (note: it has been suggested that this confusion arose in part from very few of Kohima being aware of what exactly a 2:2 was, most being more than happy with a pass).

Has some pretty girls who feel a need to try to prove themselves. Often regret such.

Noted for: being appallingly dressed in the mess in suits from Tesco. Also, for annoying girls with Northern accents.

Imjin Squadron (Cavalry)

Somewhat up-themselves and pretentious, but generally not a bad lot - on the rare occasions they bother to turn in. For some reason they don't seem to realise the benefit of allying themselves with Sidi (see below) against the common enemy of Kohima. This is probably because several generations of inbreeding have left them not too bright. Not as bad as they used to be, but still a significant number of stupid people.

If you haven't been to a decent public school, make one up.

Has a number of girls who are great to look at but sadly a lot less interesting to talk to. Tend to be quite incestuous.

Noted for: talking about how much Daddy earns and all the chums one has in the city.

Sidi Rezegh Gun Troop (RA)

Tries to strike a medium between the rahs and pikeys of the other two sub-units, but has acquired a reputation for attracting a hell of a lot of mongs. Whilst it is mocked by the other two sub-units for spending all of its time cleaning guns (not true - very rarely have a gun to clean), Sidi does generally distinguish itself in the King George VI artillery competition. Sadly they think other people actually care about their competitions, all that is known is that last year they managed to have an ND on the first day. Generally speaking if you want to join Sidi you must wear extremely thick glasses, be doing a computer science degree or similar and have been to midlands technical college

Having recently emerged from the shadow of a somewhat megalomanical 2LT who was TC last year (who has now moved on to command all NATO Forces), Sidi has always struggled to find its place. Having previously tried to reinvent itself partly as being a less-pretentious and Durham-led Imjin (see above), it is struggling to reconcile this with last year's intake which included a number of regional accents.

Due mostly to recruiting largely from University of Durham, and to much lower levels of inbreeding than either of the other two sub-units, Sidi is generally accepted as being the most boring and technical sub-unit.

Has a distinct lack of pretty girls unless you like glasses wearing trolls.

Noted for: sleeping with ACF cadets, getting arrested on nights out in Newcastle, and for being very defensive about status as lesser sub-unit.