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Mission Statement

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A 'mission statement' is the annoying tag line that usually accompanies a corporate logo. This is a relatively recent development over in Blighty, but it has been around in the United States for some time. Mission statements probably arrived in the UK proper after some cnut saw one outside a US base in Suffolk: 650th Underwater Bomb Wing - Peace through Superior Firepower., and thought it'd be a good idea if their local council had one: South Cambridgeshire District Council - Pissing your money away like there's no tomorrow!

Now everyone is at it, and the irony is that mission statements are rarely accurate in portraying an organisation's raison d'etre as the statement invariably utilises the word 'work'. A classic example of this is the Metropolitan Police's Working for a safer multicultural and diverse community! It's all there - perfectly reflecting the police's - or rather Sir Ian Blair's strategy... apart from the 'safer' bit... and maybe the 'work' bit.

Suggested mission statements: (feel free to add)

  • British Army - Working for peanuts
  • Metropolitan Police - White & hetro? Fuck off sonny!
  • British Transport Police - Nine to Five... Not MI5
  • Abbey National Mortgages - We own your house and your Ass
  • Our Souls College - Keeping soap-dodgers off the dole to help Tony's unemployment figures
  • Tony Cunningham MP (Labour) - Putting the Twat in Derwentwater
  • Elliot Morley MP (Labour) - Putting the Cunt in Scunthorpe
  • Diamond White Cider - Helping ugly peole get shagged since 1836
  • Nuts magazine - For those without the bollocks to buy real porn
  • The Roman Catholic Church - We won't be happy until everyone is as miserable as us