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Mike Tierney

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Now, there’s more than a few out there who’ve been waiting on a page for this individual for some time. It has, however, been quite difficult compiling this page due to the reluctance of many to contribute information due to the sheer embarrassment of being taken in by this very convincing individual. Some would just rather forget and move on – and understandably so in some cases. The story is far from complete, but this page’s contents are more than enough ammunition compared to what some others have been rightly pilloried for. It does, however, beggar belief into the extent to what some people will go to for reasons that defy logic and rationality. Some of it is truly bizarre.

Who He?

Meet Mike Tierney – former ARRSEr ‘SFUB’ and latterly ‘Coastbloke’. Currently believed to be 'jeromesausage' (by some). Mike is something of an anti-legend on ARRSE, and something of an anti-christ in the fair county of Hampshire. The reader won’t find this particular entry laced with the usual humour, as quite frankly, there’s none to be found and it would be like turning up to a funeral in a clown suit with one’s cock hanging out. Some things are just beyond mockery.

It all started off well and good and Mike made many friends on ARRSE and in the airborne community around 'The Shot'. [Er… hang on a minute?] No, you’ve read it correctly. Aldershot: spiritual home of the British Army and of airborne forces in particular. The lion’s den – and the last place on this crazy planet where anyone with a brain cell would walt it up as a paratrooper. [Shurley shome mishtake?]

Clad in the usual rig of dessies and maroon shirts, Mike certainly looked the part - and more importantly, sounded it too: names, dates, places, laundry receipts etc. Of all places to bullshit ARRSE isn’t recommended, and the Trafalgar Inn (‘The Traf’) is highly likely to be the very last place on earth where any self-respecting walt would dream of plying their trade as it would be verging on suicidal, but this Mike did… in spades.

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Claims

There is no limit to Tierney’s imagination. His claims are legion and it would be pointless listing them here as it would take up several pages, but they are mainly Special Forces-related. He wasn’t stupid enough to mix and match his ‘legends’ too much within earshot - and he tailored his stories to match the location; but one of his main dits was that he was a PSI with 63 (SAS) Signal Squadron (V) and also their SQMS – along with 15 PARA, 21 SAS, the SBS and even the Selous Scouts at one point.

He named the right names and was apparently good company on the lash – one ARRSEr ‘Banker’ even coughed up a couple of hundred quid for a hotel room after Tierney had ‘allegedly’ walked from Portsmouth to Twickenham for a charity fundraiser. In fact, it was a fundraising stunt that directly contributed to his undoing.

It's all for Charidee

In September 2008, Tierney appeared in local rag Portsmouth Today:

A sailor has had his back waxed to raise money for a sea rescue service. Mike Tierney, 39, went through the excruciating pain to donate hundreds of pounds to the local Royal National Lifeboat Institution. Despite having many tattoos the 39-year-old, from Church Path, Gosport, said it was one of the most painful experiences of his life. But along with five friends he has raised an estimated 800 for the rescue service, which is run by volunteers and financed by public donations.

Mr Tierney said: 'I'm a former coastguard myself and a boat skipper now and people just don't realise what a valuable service these people provide. 'When you've got someone who gives their time freely and gets up in the middle of the night to save other people, then I take my hat off to them. 'I've shattered my leg and had numerous operations on it, but I'd say this was one of the most painful things I've ever done – I'm quite a hairy man. 'It's not something I'd recommend doing, but it's all for a good cause.

Mr Tierney and his friends had leg, back and chest waxes at Express Wellness in Mumby Road, Gosport, and a cheque will be presented to the RNLI when all the sponsorship money has been collected in a couple of weeks. [1]

Er... sailor? Coastguard? Of consequence, it all started to go horribly wrong for Captain Birdseye and all manner of stories started coming out of the woodwork. Clearly Mike Tierney had been operating at a level way beyond yarns in pubs and bars and he suddenly went silent before briefly re-appearing under another user ID - Phase 2 of Bernoulli's Law.

The wheels come off

The below posts have been edited for grammatical consistency. The original posts are available on the original ARRSE thread. [2]

ARRSEr ‘Vastatio’ wrote:

He PM'd me a dirty great list of injuries that he'd supposedly sustained on active service. Breaking his neck whilst parachuting and wearing a burst from a PKM were only two of them. My medical knowledge is limited to spelling 'ow', but even I was slightly suspicious. I didn't consider unleashing the Waltenkommando, since my only attempt at waltbusting was a hideous debacle.

ARRSEr ‘The Duke’ wrote:

He was very convincing, and had been doing this for decades. He knew lots of people/places/events, and from that gained a sort of implied credibility. He then leveraged this to gain further contacts and hence more credibility - example below.

He’d spend a few hours drinking brews in my office in the TAC discussing the options for some of my blokes to mobilise with him on an OMLT [Operational Mentor & Liaison Team] type task he claimed he needed to fill. One of the soldiers had known him for years and believed him to be gen, and got him in to chat to me. These soldiers were then getting ready to put things in place to deploy based on this bloke’s word, reinforced by the fact that he had been chatting with the OC about it. This bloke was offering employment based on nothing more than knowing various people.

ARRSEr ‘Dzerzhinskiey’ wrote:

'Mick' became such a regular to our NAAFI bar around ‘97-98 that he was just about waved on camp at the front gate! He would join lads from the battery in the bar and down the local pub and tell us about his exploits in the ‘para reg’ and the slightest hints of time with troops Hereford. As 'The Duke' pointed out he was very careful to use tit bits of info to appear to be pukka. It never entered my mind that he was bullshitting although we all felt he was hanging on. I'm fucking gobsmacked!

ARRSEr ‘Die Schachtel’ wrote:

I first met this 'Uber-Walt' back in the early ‘90's when he'd latched onto my younger brother. He claimed to be in B Squadron, 21 (SAS) at the time, but soon transferred to their squadron in Bramley when he clicked that I was in a unit co-located with B Sqn in the Duke of York’s HQ. He knew all the spiel and, sad to say, I was taken in.

He ponced many a beer from me and mates and then I lost comms with him until 2008, when he got in touch through Facebook. Now having served with distinction in many a foreign land, both with the Parachute Regiment and SAS, and having risen through the ranks to CSM, and then picking up his commission, having been shot in Afghanistan - and almost having lost his eye etc. All this was filtered into the fable of his career with enough facts to make it credible. He 'ended up' with 63 (SAS) Signals Squadron running their Training Wing.

As 'The Duke' has already posted, he had me conned to the extent that he would be able to get me a job with his squadron on an FTRS contract.

In the Navy!

It’s quite scary when you think about it. Clearly anyone walting at this level isn’t just some harmless bluffer, but someone with serious psychological issues and this is the reason for this page: to make it easier for people to check up on individuals like Tierney who are totally fucking barking – and quite possibly dangerous.

Even the Andrew had been had, as it transpired Tierney has been sluicing around the bars of old Pompey and getting all matey with the matelots:

ARRSEr ‘tiff1980’ wrote:

I’ve just found out that this bloke - who I've considered a mate for at least two years now - is actually a Walt. I was directed to here by one of my shipmates who saw that he was friend of mine on Facebook, and after reading all these posts about him I'm proper fucked off. I knew a few of his stories seemed a little tall, but this takes the piss.

He told me he joined the navy in the ‘80s (1986 I think) as a submariner WE [Weapons Engineer], went on to start a MECH's course and failed that, so went back to source branch. Then he became an MP [Military Police], got to the rank of RPO [Regulating Petty Officer] and then comes the interesting bit. I'd been looking into doing SRR or Sampson, basically anything along that line, and he told me he was in the SRR and had joined when it was originally 14 Int. He said he'd done a few years with them and then came back to the navy as a Master at Arms. Then he went back to SRR and a few months ago he told me he is now comissioned.

The dodgy leg of his I can actually believe as me and a few of the lads went to visit him the hospital about 18 months ago. We all thought the stories were a bit far fetched but then a snippet of info would come along which was so convincing we thought maybe he is for real? But in my defence as an AB [Able Seaman] at the time, if a Master at Arms tells you something then you tend to take his word for it.

I'm just glad he didn't get rumbled on the night he took me to ‘The Traf’ to meet 'some of his mates' or I might have got filled in too.

Thewifey’ wrote:

I really hope no-one gave this piece of shite a penny. He is a liar and a thief. I take it he never mentioned his time in the RN as an RS [Radio Supervisor] on submarines, or how he went AWOL from a boat and joined the French Foreign Legion? He had to go back to the navy when they came looking for him and his mates, but on a plus side they let him join the Pathfinders? Oh and he was also sent to prison for cloning credit cards with some of his SF buddies? Could there be any truth about prison? Not the crap he spun, but for theft? He also hates the RNLI so certainly wouldn't raise money for them, because they get everything and the MCA get nothing. Any money that he did raise would go straight into his pockets. Lost his leg in Rwanda? Did he give a timescale for when it happened?

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Barking

ARRSEr ‘Recce19’ posted a revealing insight into Tierney on behalf of a lady ‘Taboo’ who (understandably) wished to remain anonymous. This initially appeared on ‘The Traf’s’ Facebook page:

It started when I was in the local phone shop where my partner and I live 3 years ago - I being completely taken in by his showing me his SBS and 3 PARA tattoo. Though when he spat on the floor when I remarked my partner was 2 PARA I thought something was not right. He asked my partner's name and as soon as I said my partner's name I got thrown at me - and I quote: "I know him. He slept with my wife!” I was so horrified I burst into tears in front of a shop full of people. I went home and rang my partner who, in total fury, came straight home and phoned the shop.

My partner being an active 15 years serving para had never seen or heard of this man until now. Even (after) ringing all (his) contacts in 3 PARA, they had never heard of him. But the MoD had, and most of our town had - him bragging to anyone who would listen he was a war hero!

The MoD came to see us after he became a real harassment and told us that he is well known for latching on to active and non-active paras - befriending them and selling himself as a war hero. Thus began my crusade to out this ridiculous and idiotic man with my partner's full backing .In the last three years I have been shouted at, abused and threatened by him and told outrageous lies until my partner confronted him and told him to stop. That’s the story to date.

ARRSEr ‘Recce19’ asked if she’d mind if he posted these revelations on ARRSE.

No not at all, my partner is on leave and due to go to Afghanistan again in September. He wants this **** outed and has done from the start. We welcome anyone to help as he has been a thorn in our sides for a very long time. I forgot to add that he was arrested by the MoD for posing as an officer in Haslar Hospital. They came became suspicious when he claimed he was training SAS recruits at Browndown. We have that info from the MoD themselves.

Latest Info (2015)

Now believed to be operating in London under the name MC Tierney and/or Mycroft Tierney. Likes to frequent The Chap, New Sheridan Club and Handlebar Club where he regals all present with tales of his extensive military service. In a new development he has also been at deaths door with Lymphona for the past 3 years ...... apparently.

Conclusion

So not just a lying piece of crap that’s abused the good nature of more than a few, but an Int Nuisance as well? Tierney is (surprisingly) alive and well and still bullshitting to all and sundry. Clad in Denison Smock – though seemingly now without the jump wings for some odd reason – his appearance changes but is invariably military-orientated, from the cropped-haired para look, to the moustachioed faux Rhodie ex-colonial.

As ever with individuals like this, they will return. They simply will not go away, crawl under a rock and ruminate upon their sad lives, as they inhabit a twighlight world that normal, rational and level-headed people will never visit. Tierney is in the top rank of walts. The ability to soak up information as he has, and basically infiltrate a community that is as close knit as the airborne family is, is quite staggering. It takes some bollocks to pull that kind of thing off, and maybe if he wasn't so obviously unhinged then those 'skills' could have been employed elsewhere... and for real.

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I understand he has been swanning around a military surplus establishment in Castle Road, Portsmouth for several months. Several of the staff, who are well used to Walts waltzing through the door smelt a rodent straight away. He was unmasked in May and and has not been seen for dust. Has a nice little doggie, though.