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Maninblack

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Maninblack was born at a very early age in the Socialist Republic of South Yorkshire and has spent the last 20 years of his life tracking David Blunkett with a pea shooter loaded with hamster turds.

During his life he has been, variously, a jelly mould designer, a turkey sexer, the benevolent dictator of a small South East Asian nation and even employed by the BBC to scrub Christopher Timothy's finger nails on the set of All Creatures Great & Small.

Now living in semi retirement inside Geri Halliwell's gusset he spends his time writing his memoirs and scraping dried secretions off MDN's Andrex collection (said to be the largest collection of used soft paper products outside the people's Republic of China)

The 2006 a film of his life starring Robbie Coltrane as MiB, Anne Robinson as William Wilberforce, Kiera Knightly and Helena Bonham Carter as his bisexual live in girlfriends and featuring Brad Pitt and Lewis Collins as "The Para Mortar Platoon." went straight to DVD. Remainder copies distributed through Woolworths brought the business to its knees.

MiB has the reproductive organs of a pygmy hippopotamus and the aerobic capacity of a water buffalo. He buys his underpants at Primark and throws them away after a week because he hates laundry.