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MLA for Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus. Which is allegedly rife within certain hospitals and MDHU's.

Quite how the medical profession has forgotten basic hygienic principles that were figured out by some Doris in the Crimean War is unclear, but MRSA is mainly caused by poor levels of hygiene - exacerbated by the privatised cleaning in the NHS and some nurses more interested in their next cigarette break than patient care. Witness theatre staff in scrubs at the Maccy D's outlet in Addenbrooke's Hospital and you might well hear the rushing, clanging sound of a bag of loose change dropping, never mind a solitary penny.

How MRSA has been allowed to flourish is a national disgrace. The slightest ailment or injury resulting in a hospital visit could well result in one's untimely demise.

When Puppy Bites Go Wrong

In July of 2006, an unnamed individual was admitted to an unidentified hospital in Woking with a slight cut to their index finger. This was incurred during a particularly vigorous play fight with a spaniel puppy.

A simple stitch was administered in A&E and within hours the patient was reduced to an almost cadaverous state by the myriad germs coursing through the department. Within twenty-four hours, a whole wing was contaminated with the mystery virus and a week later hundreds were dead from the Quatermass-like bacillus.

The Army were called in and the whole hospital complex was flamethrown to the ground. The site is now condemned and is expected to be turned in to the wheelchair water polo track in time for the 2012 Olympics. And all because of a ickle puppy. Scary, eh?