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Security Service

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MI5 - or more correctly the Security Service - is the UKs' domestic counter-intelligence agency. In abreviated form the Security Service use 'BSS' (British Security Service) rather than the more accurate 'SS'. For some reason.

In the years immediately after the fall of the Iron Curtain, MI5 found itself floundering somewhat for a defining role, until it managed to wrest control of the intelligence war against Irish Republican terrorism from those smelly, unschooled Police oiks. Following this coup they claimed all rights to the truely staggeringly immense Counter Terrorism budget and have used their new liquidity to expand to more than double their pre 2001 girth.

In recent years MI5 has strove to counter public perceptions that it is a hyper-secretive coven of waspish homosexuals, that only recruits male Cambridge graduates with floppy blond hair, smo-o-o-th tanned thighs, and pert buttocks, and with a sound background in The Classics.

This could not be further from the truth. According to their website(!), today's MI5 is seeking bilingual recruits from across the ethnic minorities, providing that they meet the necessary educational and aptitude requirements.

For males, these include having floppy black hair, a boyish smile, pert buns, smooooth brown thighs, and a nice, tight.. ( Oh my God! Hurry Carruthers, call Matron! Templeton-Smythe is having another "turn"! Swiftly Gresham, swiftly!)

The job of the Security Service recruiters has been made far more difficult in recent years by the appearance of the TV show "Spooks", which has introduced Walting to a new generation of the UK population.

Don't just dream the dream. Join up today! It's not just nine-to-five... it's MI5! Or BSS, depending on who you talk to. Sign here cock!