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London

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"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life." Which is as true today as it was when first written on a suicide note in 1777.

Capital city of our wondrous nation... well England anyway... OK, the Home Counties. The rest of us see it is as the home of the enemy. Once the seat of Empire, now little more than a squalid, multi-cultural hell hole full of footpads, vagabonds, Japanese tourists and Islamic nutcases.

London is now the most expensive place to live in the universe due to the rate of house price increases. Every person living in London is either

  • a multi-millionaire with three Aston Martins in the garage, hordes of Essex girl servants and a helipad in the back garden (or rather they would be millionaires if they didn't have their mortgages to pay),

OR

  • a free loading Nigerian taurag skimming data off peoples' Nectar cards!

London was the venue for the 2012 Olympic Games What a fcuking brilliant idea that was to bid for this little money spinner. Stratford now has a lot of unaffordable housing, and a nice railway station. G4S were generous enough to allow the British Military free travel around London, and entry to a lot of the sporting events. Though they insist the UK foot the bill, and that the Military did a lot of their work, whilst still keeping a fantastic amount of dosh.

Having a total clown as Boris Johnson at the helm has enabled Barclays to get free advertising throughout the city.

That said, there's plenty to see and do, and it's always worth a visit. But do it now, before some rabid, wild-eyed Jihadist transforms it in to a smouldering, radioactive wasteland - which would be a bloody shame.