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Line Book

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Some of the best lines uttered on ARRSE. Thanks to Boney_M for this starter for 10:

  • Theres nothing like a tent full of drunken eastern europeans, being woken up at 2 in the morning by the sound of singing and AK's cocking.

Our next contribution comes from KGB_resident:

  • Further, British armed forces are probably the best in the world. There are so many brave men, real heroes in British military uniform. Most of them (if not all) are handsome lads and I believe that many women and girls are dreaming about warriors decorated by MC or VC. So there is no need to rape anybody. Would you go to hunt foxes if foxes wait for you at the door of your house?

Duck Dodgers:

  • More patter than a Chinese army in flip-flops.
  • You're so full of shite, I'm surprised that the whites of your eyes haven't turned brown.

Boney_M posted a hard-hitting piece in the ARRSE Karaoke thread, it is reproduced here

During the closing stages of the post-Ms ARRSE competition arena, this classic from Cuts was uttered:

  • Congratulations Babyglue, and I'm fuffed to chuck that you've given the prize to the GPRA, the old boys will be so thrilled to know that in the near future they'll be getting a manicure and bikiniwax.


TheBull140 offered us this little Gem when describing a founder Member of The Longdon Bar:

"Just because the process of evolution seems to have left you at neanderthal doesnt mean that other people arent allowed to have views as well."

Biscuits_AB gave an outstanding retort to Fugly who was (insanely) trying to help out LJH who basically hit self destruct with a shocking admission...

Fugly wrote: LJH was unfortunate enough to be caught wanking by his 11 year old son. He did not set up a situation where he could be "caught", he was just unlucky.

  • Biscuits replied,

"I don't think any judge in the land would consider that a grown man sat w*nking in a chair whilst facing the living room door, shouting at the top of his voice "Hurry up Jimmy, the Simpsons are on!" was unfortunate."

Awol Continues in the LJH thread with this belter:

The scene - Arrse GHQ when that Email arrived...

GCO "Fcuk me, look at this!"


GCO "You reply to him"

BCO "No, you do it"

GCO "It's your turn"

BCO "I did it last time"

GCO "I need a crap"

BCO "I'm going home, house is on fire. Honest."

GCO "Ohhh bugger."

"Dear jack........"

Biscuits_AB (2nd entry in here - what a guy!) being charitable to the lassies as always - and causing tears to roll down some of their legs:

Here's two clues. All that is missing from her life is:

a. A Garrison.

b. Some pedals.

  • Sangreal (Boo, hisss, he's behind you, oh no he's not, oh yes he is.....) suggested that "(The TA) are the biggest and scariest bunch of Walts in Britain." The line of the day goes to brighton hippy for this classic rejoinder: "some of them take their walting as far as going to iraq and pretending to be real soldiers and a lot of regulars fall for it!"
  • Sangreal (Boo, hisss, he's behind you, oh no he's not, oh yes he is.....) again prompted this thread by suggesting that TA Officers were not "Proper Officers" - whatever one of those is. Blyth_spirit eventually stepped up to the mark with this belter: "Just a thought on the comparative length of courses and the value derived from them. Remember Maureen from 'Driving School'? She received maybe 20 times the amount of driving instruction that I did in order to pass my driving test. This should mean, by the logic of some posters on this thread, that she should be 20 times better than me at driving. I think not baby puppy."

Though perhaps describing Sangreal as a Baby Puppy should have a line book all to itself.

  • In the early hours of Mon 23rd Jan the ARRSEPedia suffered a spam attack. In a thread on ARRSE posted by the devilishly, young, handsome and debonair Abacus called Latest Spam Attack TankiesYank said: "I thought this was going to be another thread about Pakistan."

  • Sandmanfez Conversing with a sprog doing bad work due to being tired, he had this to say to the young man: "YOU'RE tired? I've been tired since before you were born son!"

  • Rickshaw I suppose it prompts the question - would I rather have some form of honour and integrity whilst being stupid, or be an intelligent, adept, morally bankrupt and decidedly flexible politician? I suppose I'm too stupid to answer that really......

  • RTFQ, attempting to persuade a mate to desist from marrying a soul-sucking, humorless doris at said mate's stag party:

"I fcuking love you mate."

"Leave her, she's ginger."

"No no no, I LOVE YOU."

"I've never seen you laugh with her and she's a FCUKING GINGER!"''

  • Biscuits_AB again, talking here about whatever passes for bints dancing after a couple of Breezers:

"It's when all the Fat Lasses all jump up to 'It's Raining Men' that I find amusing. I'm sure they misheard the title of the song and thought that it was 'It's Raining Pies'. You can't get to the bar as you've got to risk your life trying to get past 4 ton of flab in ill fitting and wholley inappropriate clothes."

  • Cuddles, in a form-defining reply to the question "Should officers be allowed to sh@g soldiers?"

"Don't drink water, fish fcuk in it!"

  • Cpl_ripper, responding to a complaint about World Cup 2006 coverage cutting into the evening news on the BBC:

"Football or more drivel from the like of Bush/Blair?

Football or more incompetent mong plod?

Football or the end is nigh?

Football or Eastenders?

I'll stick with footy. You could always switch to sky channel 32 and enjoy live knitting! followed by five-a-side basket weaving."

On the 2007 6 Nations

The Thread


What a game - what a player.

and I support Wales


So do most of us through our fcuking taxes.

Lines from Rear Party

Liz_the_nurse posted this pic with the caption "me" in the Rear Party gallery.

From this...


to this...


Sluice dweller passed the comment, "What happened?"

Did anyone here serve with Bear Grylls Thread?

The late, lamented verticalgyro: "I served with his younger brother, Bacon Grylls."

VG didn't die heroically like so many Arrsers, in a weekend wankathon surrounded by empty dvd boxes and crisp socks, but was accidentally deleted by a mod who had taken to hard liquor. He's back as directionalgyro

The-Lord-Flasheart assists the Technologically Challenged