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Knight Commander of the (Most Excellent) Order of the blah de blah. It's a Knighthood! Well done. You've made it. You'll be either a Major or Lieutenant General and as such you've got the trip to the big house and the sword treatment. And you even get two badges! One to hang around your neck like the CBE, and a rather spiffy star-thing to wear on your blues and twos. Do not wear with/on CS95 or shell suit as it looks totally mong.

You are now a real 'Sir'. Get those business cards and cheques amended immediately. Just what you did to get this baby only you will know. Does your jaw ache perchance? Civvy Division holders of the KBE are invariably homosexuals, New Labour donors, business magnets or leftie queers with a successful empire of sweat shops.

If you're a Doris and you've munched enough carpet or helmet at the MoD, then it's a Damehood for you. A DBE. Same tin. Different label. Next step up from this is the GBE - Knight (or Dame) Grand Cross of the order. Not a fcuking chance sucker. Not unless you start banging off serious quantities of brown envelopes to Neu Arbeit's Central Office. But - as you're probably already on their cards anyway from your last 'donation' - you never know.



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