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For he's a jolly good fellow etc etc

This is the saga about the mystery man Jonny142, who had us all wondering just who the hell he was.

The Hook

Come closer and I shall tell you a story: a story of mystery, excitement and speculation. The story of Jonny142 - the man, the mystery, the Jonny.

[mediumwhiteamericano has claimed all commercial rights to the story already]

The Beginning

It all started on Wednesday, August the 13th at 12:11pm. mediumwhiteamericano posted thus:

Every day he's in there, on his own. He refuses to talk to other visitors and pretends he can't hear you. Every chuffing day, all chuffing day! Can anyone shed some light on what Jonny142 is doing in the Chat Room, on his own? Is he a professional lurker? Is he lurking and waiting for anyone in particular? Just who is this man - Jonny142? Answers on a postcard to...

See here.

The Speculation

This sparked a HUGE bout of speculation about just who Jonny142 is, and just what is he doing here? The speculation was fierce and fantastic. The 'ever up for it' Moodybitch attempted communication:

Welcome! You have entered [The NAAFI Bar] at 12:29 pm
[The NAAFI Bar]: Moodybitch has entered at 12:29 pm
[Moodybitch] 12:29 pm: jonny...speak!
[Moodybitch] 12:29 pm: speak jonny
[Moodybitch] 12:29 pm: speak
[Moodybitch] 12:29 pm: speak
[Moodybitch] 12:30 pm: speak
[Moodybitch] 12:30 pm: how terribly fcuking rude!

[Although apparently that happens to Moodybitch a lot]

The Theories

Theories ranged from Smudges...

Maybe he's a highly sophisticated bit of American hardware, trying to do some int gathering. A better version/predecessor to Jonny5 if you will?

Maybe he's malfunctioned and running around shouting things like "Jonny142 is alive!

to schweik's...

Maybe he's just woken up in 1973. He can occasionally see our posts about him, and read the stuff in the chat room, but although he is typing away like feck, he can't get through to us. There's an idea for a TV series in there somewhere, just as long as no-one beats me to it

and Taffyorkie's...

Maybe the poor cnut died at his keyboard mid fcuking sentence? Didn't think of that did we?

[Not like that hasn't happened before!]

The Calm

Eventually everyone got bored with the Jonny saga, although a few users still attempted communication. Things began to drift towards other topics of conversation in the Chat...


He Speaks!

Suits_U came to the fore with this...

Welcome! You have entered [The NAAFI Bar] at 5:16 pm
[The NAAFI Bar]: suits_U has entered at 5:16 pm
[ma55ive] 5:16 pm: afternoon suits
[LondonTankie] 5:16 pm: lol
[LondonTankie] 5:16 pm: go for it
[suits_U] 5:16 pm: hello
[LondonTankie] 5:16 pm: hi mate
[suits_U] 5:16 pm: jonny are you there?
[LondonTankie] 5:16 pm: you after jonny?
[LondonTankie] 5:16 pm: hes not
[LondonTankie] 5:17 pm: he never is
[ma55ive] 5:17 pm: no response from him
[LondonTankie] 5:17 pm: i think he went to bridgend
[suits_U] 5:17 pm: what a cnut
[LondonTankie] 5:17 pm: laters guys
[ma55ive] 5:17 pm: he seems to be online late evening/early hours of the morning if i recall
[The NAAFI Bar]: LondonTankie has left at 5:17 pm
[suits_U] 5:17 pm: well theres 10 seconds of my life wasted
[ma55ive] 5:17 pm: ha ha
[Jonny142] 5:17 pm: hey massive
[ma55ive] 5:18 pm: hey jonny
[suits_U] 5:18 pm: hello johnny
[ma55ive] 5:18 pm: #$%^&* me your alive
[ma55ive] 5:18 pm: jonny why you been so quiet
[suits_U] 5:18 pm: I must say johnny, youve caused quite a stir with your apparent lack of chatting
[Jonny142] 5:19 pm: i was having tea
[Jonny142] 5:19 pm: i have?
[suits_U] 5:19 pm: ahhh
[Jonny142] 5:19 pm: w00t!
[The NAAFI Bar]: scuba_angel has entered at 5:19 pm
[suits_U] 5:19 pm: yep your always in here but don't talk... ever
[The NAAFI Bar]: BuztyBabe has entered at 5:19 pm

So the cause of the speculation, the mystery was... a cuppa. How depressing.

The Jonny

Thus we have learnt through extensive detective work that:

  • Jonny is 18
  • Jonny is joining the RLC
  • ... Although he might join the Infantry
  • And Jonny likes tea (the meal, not the drink)
  • ... Jonny prefers Coffee to tea
  • ... And Jonny doesnt like Red Bull
  • And Jonny is 6'2"
  • ... Jonny weighs 66kg
  • And Jonny might be KGB/Spetznaz

(although as Barathul says, this might all just be KGB misinformation.)

Stay tuned... there may be more yet to be revealed!