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John Rambo

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Here's Johnny!

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, this little gem surfaces. This is the 'real life' Rambo, albeit one who who lives in Skegness, which sort of dulls the edge somewhat - Lincolnshire not usually being associated with lush, tropical jungle - or mind-fucked Vietnam vets for that matter. (That's Northumberland... apparently)

Anyhow, formerly known as Stephen O'Rourke, 'Johnny' is a survival, aircraft and weaponry 'expert' who changed his name to John Rambo after watching the Rambo movies for the first time twenty years ago and (disturbingly) even dresses and acts like him. There the similarity ends. Stallone's Rambo is a tanned, chiseled, lantern-jawed behemoth, whereas Steve's version is that of a pasty-faced, pie-scoffing mong who still lives with his parents.

'Johnny' is also a 'charity' worker (They all say that) who teaches his 'survival skills' in the local park bushes with the cadets of 1073 (Skegness) Squadron, Air Training Corps. This presumably entails stealing motorbikes, carving people up with knives, torching the local police station (all popular pastimes amongst today's yoof) and screaming 'die motherfucker' whilst letting loose a maelstrom of lead on the range with a Cadet GP. Oddly, Steph... erm... 'Johnny' does not have a girlfriend. I wonder fucking WHY?

It's all here: For fuck's sake!

UPDATE: Mr. Ramnbo seems to be kind of lonely., notice how he's now an 'unemployed' massage therapist.


See Also