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John Prescott

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John Leslie Prescott. Former Deputy Prime Minister and First Secretary of State. A Labour Party suck-up, but (allegedly) not a Blairite, Prescott was brought in as a 'representative' of 'Old Labour', thus showing from the outset just what Blair thought of the traditional party support base and its values. Perpetual lame duck and dauntless liability, Prescott was shuffled about in a serious of bigged up jobs before revealing himself as a lech and so leaving.

'Prezza' is famous for mangling the English language (possibly even more than the Shaved Chimp) but is nonetheless one of the very few politicians these days whose ever actually had a proper job when he worked as a steward for P&O - something that is pointed out to him at every opportunity by other MPs especially in the Commons bar apparently. Generally perceived to be an embarrassing clown.


  • Called Two Jags as he has two government-paid-for Jaguars as his personal transport 'cause one isn't enough.
  • Called Two Jabs for punching out a protester after the protester threw an egg at him.
  • Called Two Shags after he boffed a secretary in his department while claiming he was working.

It has to be said that Prescott gained much kudos when it transpired he'd been pumping his PA, whom, it must also be said, wasn't half bad. She, however, must have been either blind, desperate or both. He also landed a respectable thump on an egg-slinging chav - an act which the Party immediately condemned him for and launched groveling apologies for. Until, that is, it became clear that the public thought he'd done a proper job there and so the New Labour machine promptly began spinning the other way in a typical example of leading by tabloid headline.

If you really care: Biography

Read his gibberish here: Total Bollocks