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Joanna Lumley

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Kick Ass! ..... Sweeeet!

Actress, occasional activist, national treasure and hot MILF.

The Many Faces of Joanna Lumley


The first time most of us noticed Ms Lumley was when she starred as the hot piece of totty in late 70's adventure/spy tv prog The New Avengers.

Impossibly long legs; a cheeky, impish, come on big boy grin and a kick like a mule on steroids ... many a young ARRSER got some serious stiffies while watching this wholesome adventure entertainment. They even repeated this very naughty program in the afternoon causing children to bunk off school to watch it! (... and yes, I did!)

Patsy Stone

The drug, alcohol, tobacco and man crazed fashionista sidekick in the long running tv show Absolutely Fabulous.

Apparently the make-up department had real problems making Lumley look haggard and worn out ... she's good looking all the time (... and yes, I would!).

Disembodied Voice Flogging Stuff

I'm coming for you Gordon!

In addition to being so hot she has to take a fire extinguisher to bed, Ms Lumley has a seriously posh voice.

This is ideal for all those 'just resting from theatre darling' (read unemployed) voice over jobs so beloved by the luvvie. Posh Joanna certainly is posh with a capital P. Her voice is one you automatically listen to (admittedly you're looking for the voice to say "give it to me roughly from behind, stud!") but at least you are paying attention to the advert as the advertisers intended.

Child of the Regiment

Joanna's father (Captain later Major James Lumley) fought for Britain with the 6th Gurkha regiment on the North Western Front as a Chindit during WW2. His life was even saved by a Gurkha while in combat. She felt herself to be 'a child of the regiment' and was incensed when the Labour Government stealthily tried to refuse the entry of Gurkhas who wanted to retire to the UK. The Gurkha seem to be getting a poorer treatment than convicted terrorists and foreign rapists, murderers and benefit leeches.

After a spirited campaign led by Ms Lumley, the rules were changed in favour of the Gurkha. Initially this was stopping Gurkhas who retired pre 1997 to retire into the UK. The courts ordered the government to let them in but just like the sleazy scum our Govt. is, they mendaciously created rules so limiting that only a few dozen officers could get in.

Fortunately for all concerned (except Gordon Brown) the Lib-Dems, Tories and some Labour MP's with a conscience stopped bickering for a moment, tabled a motion in the House of Commons and then slipped Gordon Brown the rubber dick when the motion, letting all Gurkhas into the UK no matter when they served, passed with a majority of 21.

Beauty and the sack of lying shite

Of course no sooner had the vote gone through than the slimy Phil Woolas (minister for being a worm) was at work trying to circumvent the decision of the House. JL ambushed the vile Woolas at the BBC after meeting purely by chance and put direct questions to the evasive dishonourable member. There was an "emotional and difficult" meeting ... in which Joanna called him a lying weasel and a terrified Woolas hid under the table ... I shouldn't wonder.