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Greece

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Home of the plate-smashing, greasy-haired sex pest. Spartacus moved there from Bulgaria and knacked everyone, including Conan and Sinbad the Sailor. The Greek Gods are all myth and a result of Pyos and Albertos yapping and necking too much Ouzo.

Cradle of democracy ... but it was just the rich who were actually listened to - just like today. If you suggested one man, one vote to an ancient Greek .. he'd have your entrails tied to a tree.

The Greeks, however, were responsible for the invention of the following:

  • Lesbians (from the island of Lesbos, which to the eternal regret of all squaddies is pronounced lez-boss.)
  • Toilet cleaner (Domestos)
  • Fire retardant building material (Asbestos)
  • Social Security handouts (Giros)

Also a film where the Bad guy out of Face Off fingered Olivia Newton John in tight pants. They did some dancing and singing but ultimately the film was about smuggling kiddies from Greece into the Welsh underworld.

Also something you smear on your tackle before a bit of back door action.