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Footballers

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The gladiators of the modern age. Overrated, overpaid morons who are hard-pressed to string a sentence together without liberal usage of the phrase 'Dya knao wot ah meen?' The average footballer leaves school with no qualifications whatsoever. The brain being in the foot, however, exempts these individuals from the workings of every day life, i.e. getting up for a proper day's work, earning a pittance, getting stiffed by the taxman and having a wife that looks like Jeremy Clarkson.

Instead they 'work' for 180 minutes a week and receive payment not dissimilar to the GDP of Swaziland. Their tax bracket is questionable, considering they have properties on the continent, and their WAGS are usually all fit, albeit brain damaged. They are adored by legions of brain dead chavs who happily fork out a months wages for the monthly 'new' strip for their shaven-headed illegitimate offspring and eagerly waste their Giro money on exorbitant season tickets, which will enable them to worship at the temples of excess dotted about this septic isle twice a week.

Once, just once I'd like to see an eloquent footballer talk down to a self important pundit but given they are all ex-players themselves, any interview is just a bloodbath of murdered cliches and botched (half) witticisms.