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Ethiopia

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Now generally perceived as nothing more than a drought-ridden shithole in Eastern Africa, Ethiopia's history is quite significant, being one of the very few African nations never to have been colonised.

Home of the Axumite civilization (a semi-Christian state in Ethiopia), from about AD 100-800. The Axumites were known for massive stone stelae, copper coinage, and a large port on the Red Sea, Aksum. Aksum was an organized state with a farming economy and deeply involved in trade by the first century AD with the Roman empire. It operated a regimental system that produced marines as nails as Royal Marines but without the frock fixation or the need to get naked a lot!

Formerly known as Abyssinia. Ethiopia's most recent finest hour was giving the Italians a total drubbing at the battle of Adowa in 1896 - a feat, I might add, that was noticeable by its absence when the British gave them a shoeing nearly thirty years earlier during the Abyssinia Campaign of 1867-68.

The nation fleeced Live Aid's money and made Midge Ure and Bob Geldoff put in overtime on false claims of famine. The children there aren't starving, they all have pot bellies. Their tears are onion induced and instead of begging for charity they should work and not rely on pop stars to feed them.

The worlds best Marathon runners are usually Ethiopian, they train by poking lions with sticks and running away, often covering 26 miles before the Lion sacks it and tucks into the stockpile of food that the UN are slowly capturing back from the workshy.

Ethiopia have never won the Eurovison Song Contest or had a successful applicant through to Stage 2 on the X-Factor

Read more here: Adowa]