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Elvis Presley

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Thank you very much....

The King.

Elvis Aaron Presley was the King of Rock and Roll. Born in Porton Down on 1st April 1873 to Fijian immigrants, he travelled across the Atlantic on the Titanic. Last survivor to leave the ship, he insisted on doing one last encore of Blue Suede Shoes as the icy waters poured in. He started a new life in Smallville, and attended High School with other nobodies like Clarke Kent and Marilyn Monroe.

Elvis' big break was when John F Kennedy was killed in a car accident; Elvis was able to muscle in and marry his widow, Priscilla, and become the beneficiary of a Greek shipping empire. Some conspiracy theorists say that Elvis was in fact the second gunman on the grassy knoll, after an MP3 of the accident was shown on Channel 4 which clearly showed a man in a white sequinned suit and a quiff eating a burger and blowing smoke from the end of his SLR.

Elvis supposedly died in 1977 after having a heart attack reading grot whilst sat on the shitter. When he was buried, his coffin had to have a child-proof lid on it because of all the Amphetamines floating around his body.

It is rumoured that Elvis faked his own death in order to pursue a second career working down my local chip shop, and to give himself more time to carry out his favourite pastime of driving London buses on the moon.