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David Cameron

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David boasts about his growth

Incumbent Prime Minister and leader of the Conservative Party, David 'Call me Dave' Cameron is Tony Blair in a blue suit. Go back ten years and it's the Blair phenomenon all over again. Except that most people have wised up to this 'wanting to be everyone's mate' tactic.

First objective for Dave upon being elected leader of his party was to give the Tories a good ol' re-branding. This is usually what all newly-appointed CEOs & MDs do: spend loads of money on superfluous, needless crap instead of getting down to business.

Dave decided that the party needed a Mission Statement and a fresher image that better reflected... blah de blah... etc. The old Thatcherian flaming torch logo smacked too much of Right Wingism. So a design consultancy was taken on board to come up with an image that better suited Dave's green credentials.

They (in turn) farmed the job out to a special school and a mong designed the party's brand new logo: a green squiggle. Not blue. Green. Now there's clever. Everyone will now forget eighteen years of Thatcher and Major and associate the fresh-faced Cameron with, tweety birds, baa lambs and a dying, polluted planet.

Second objective for Dave was to fly out to Antarctica with a film crew to record the plight of the penguins... or was it the Arctic... and polar bears? Whatever, the 'Carbon Footprint' he personally generated was enough to increase Norfolk's chances of becoming the new Atlantis by 20/1.

Handed Labour the humping of a lifetime at the local council elections in June 2009 ... although to be honest all he did was not fuck up Labour's suicide bid. Still thats more than Labour have managed in the last 10 years.

Currently making noises about Green Tax, the jury is still out on Cameron, as he's done nothing much apart from dig his garden, do a bit of home cooking on the web and encourage everyone to 'hug a hoodie'. What a cnut! I think that last point sums him up perfectly. If he'd said 'all hoodies are in for a right twatting when I get in the big chair' then I think he might have gained some 'respec'... innit?

An enthusiastic cyclist (at least when the press have their cameras trained on him) Mr Cameron should soon be seen furiously backpedalling on his claim that the UK was the junior partner to the US in World War II in 1940