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Claty Pats

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Cleopatras Night Club - Great Western Road in the West End of Glasgow

Clatys is a veritable institution in Glasgow. Many is the callow youth who has entered its portals a trembling virgin with his weekly pay packet in his pocket ... to emerge some hours later a broke, totally rat arrsed man of the world with at least 3 types of venereal disease.

Famous for having:

  • A carpet that had the gripping capability of the strongest adhesives (KEEP MOVING FOR GODS SAKE!) that was only held together by stubborn stains.
  • Bar staff who looked like they would EITHER cry OR glass you if you asked them for anything more complicated than a pint or a Bacardi Breezer.
  • Bouncers who competed to see how far they could throw the drunks or the bewildered.
  • Nurses intent on drinking themselves senseless and interfering sexually with anyone standing near them/still for more than 10 seconds. Ranging in looks from acceptable in poor light to FCUK SAKE, IS THAT HUMAN?! Going ugly early at Clatys is universally considered a wise move.

All the above is now gone as Clatys is currently being renovated, is advertising for new staff and is intent in clawing its way out of the night club gutter. Whither it makes it or the regular drunks, slappers and tarts drag it back into the gutter remains to be seen.

Update: Cleopatra's is officially no more. Its now called The Viper. Logic behind the name change is Cleopatra was killed by a viper therefore we're calling the club The Viper

Coming soon: 'totally non-official' Arrse review of The Viper.

Note for ARRSE Old and Bold: Grab A Granny night was usually Tuesday.