America run by the Swiss
Britain's greatest ally, Canadians have steadfastly contribututed to every British conflict and battle from the Traansvaal to the Somme, Dunkirk to D Day. We provided men and materiels to Britain during all Her darkest hours. Some would posit that Americans have usurped this role, but then, well, they would be idiots, eh? Canucks - true comrades who won't kill Brits by accident.
Where are we?
A snowy, windswept frozen expanse of prairie and pre-cambrian shield formations, populated by polar bears, beavers, eskimos, French fur trappers and pale, 'funny-sounding Americans' in parkas and wooly hats. Located north of the US, hence we are commonly confused with our dimwitted neighbors. [unfortunately, you seem oft to spell like them too]
What do we do?
- Cold fronts
- Crap singers (Celine Dion, Bryan Adams)
- TV programmes (e.g. Due South) and French language movies
- Labatts beer
- Molson beer (who produced some good adverts under the "I Am Canadian" banner in the late '90s)
- American television
- Igloo repair kits
- 50,000 beaver pelts
- 20,000,000 kegs of Labatt Blue
Eighteen mothballed F-18 fighters, a good army crippled by crap politicians, a rowboat with an elephant gun (HMCS MoosePoo), and a handful of bemused Inuit with Enfield rifles and red jumpers.
Men in big hats and red jackets, called Mounties, who, armed with .38 webley revolvers and wolf pets summoned by a whistle, ride horses and break up bar fights with good manners and a strong fist.
Canoes and dogsleds, taxpayer-subsidised Bombardier trains broken down on tracks due to the never-ending labour unrest in Quebec.
Igloos and log cabins.
See Exports and Imports.
Still (technically) a British dominion, they're pretty much a quasi-independent nation after we realised that they could be trusted not to cock it up too much, and besides, who the hell would live there anyway?