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Cadets

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NOTE: Cadets are not to be classed as Walts although they are similar.

Cadets come in four distinct species:

Army Cadets

These are youths that spend their time playing soldiers to keep themselves off the streets getting ASBOs, learning fieldcraft, shooting and the Country Code.

Army Cadet Force cadets naturally gravitate towards the Green Machine. ACF Detachments are usually found in local TA Centres or Cretinous cadet huts. Allowing the fact that all army cadets are chavs, the rest are mongs. Army cadets is officially better than air cadets, the author has done both, the author joined the rifles, and so did everyone else he went with, in air cadets only one in ten wants to join the RAF. In fairness, nowadays all air cadets are middle class mugs who just want to do something that the rest of the middle class mugs don't do. Army cadets do muck about sneaking through town centres looking like muppets to anyone with eyes, and still they're not that discreet. And in fairness my old unit had a few massive tubsters.

Sea Cadets

These are youths who spend their time in naval uniform and learn about knots and boats. They speak a form of English that is understood only by themselves, sailors, Adult Instructors and only the most patient air cadet. The Sea Cadet Corps includes Royal Marine Cadets who are basically Sea Cadets who wear green uniforms instead.

Marine Cadets

Not to be confused with the ACF, Marine cadets are similar to Army Cadets but are usually found in SCC Units, They are basically Sea Cadets in Army uniforms. Some marine cadets ultimately aspire to a career in the Royal Marines and a future of Naked Rollmat Fighting and questionable drinking games.

These Cadets, similarly to Para Cadets (see Walts) have a belief that they too are Special Forces, when they are in-fact, just cadets with an easy fitness test to pass for entry. Whilst some are very good, just as with other cadet forces, for many this preconception of being born to excellence often stands in the way of their ever being half-way competent.

Air Cadets

The creme de la menthe of all cadets, they may be crab-flavoured but don't let that fool you. Handsome, charming and witty, these youngsters actually fly. Sometimes seen flying through windows at an RAF base 'cause they pissed off another airman. Also known as 'Space Cadets', these are the future and every one is a potential Son of Valhalla (or Daughter of if that be the case). Without these shining pillars of society it is widely believed that the world would descend into anarchy. Traditional past times include moaning, making brews and abusing other cadet forces. See Air Training Corps.

Combined Cadet Force

These mighty individuals look down upon all other cadet forces in lieu of the fact that whilst the CCF has a apathetic attitude to nearly all aspects of being a cadet, they still manage to win all the competitions on offer, much to the annoyance of their try hard cousins in the ACF, Space Cadets and SCC. CCF cadets laugh at the insistence of some ACF units to go EVERYWHERE tactically, despite being told repeatedly that there is no need to, and looking like right idiots when a group with sense walks calmly down the road through the middle of them. CCFs tend to be the largest contingents of the cadets which is gratifying when their NCO’s send 60 odd unruly cadets in mixed civvies/kit the most direct route to breakfast whilst the 10 or so ACF/ATC/SCC who got up an hour earlier to polish boots/iron uniform, march all the way round the roads therefore ending at the back of the line. It should be noted that the CCF was originally the school version of OTC. Most CCF cadets have huge pride in what they do, despite it not really meaning anything, however they all seem to love it and you can normally spot CCF cadets as being the ones shaking their heads at people talking about CoD "realism" while strolling around in combat 95s with SA80s in school, generally scaring the shit out of small children that see them.

And just to confuse matters

Then of course there's the Scouting movement - though these are not part of the Cadet Forces per se. On top of the more usually accepted image of the Boy (or Girl) Scouts, there exists within this organisation the Air and Sea Scouts. The former wear a bastardised RAF uniform (much to the chagrin of any RAF personnel who encounter them) and the latter sport a curious combination of naval and scouting attire. It all seems rather pointless and only serves to confuse those who are easily confused.

And whilst we're on confusion, the Boys Brigade are often confused with actual Space Cadets due to their uncanny resemblance to Thunderbird puppets, but are best avoided - unless you're happy with Sodomy and religious indoctrination... probably.