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ARRSE Toilets

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ARRSE Toilets are the minority of idiots posting and arguing on The ARmy Rumour SErvice , a commercial internet forum promoting itself as an unofficial British Army website. ARRSE gets more than 5 million page hits per month and used to be quoted in the mainstream media, before the site became infested by throbbers.

ARRSE Toilet Types, With or Without the Emperor Mong's Blessed Influence


"Fred Wrecker": at No.1 is the ARRSE oxygen-thief toilet and self-styled "internet copper" with the sole aim of derailing (and eventually wrecking) threads that offend their snowflake sensibilities. Stalks a target around the site to bait them, and posts belt-fed nonsense to break up consensus. Usually contributes little or nothing to the site nor indeed to life in general. Despite their self-proclaimed "distinguished military [or civilian] career": these dullards are actually tedious little bellends. Cure: the ignore button and an internet Javelin up their 'arris, ideally.

The Trolling Toilet; disinhibited anonymous antisocial troublemaker. Watching these pricks is an interesting pastime as they flit from thread to thread trolling, for hours at a time. They only joined ARRSE to flame members or crayon inane dribble. May also be an Autard or ARRSEopath. This is the equivalent of your peeping tom, sex pest, or park flasher, roaming free on the internet.

The Flabbott Toilet; lost the vote so rants offensively with embarrassing wibble about "racism", the 'luvverly EU', and imaginary "white supremacy" in the Brexit dialogue. They say embarrassingly stupid things on TV, and lie, bluff and waffle a lot on ARRSE. Some of them are just pr1cks, some work in government or the civil service, and even hold commissions. Ergo, Flabbotts are elitist oxygen-thief knob-ends.

The Common Purpose Toilet; Blairite or Liberalist agitpropper, permanently outraged and scribbling with virtuous pink crayons. Often just incredibly stupid, obviously graduated from a Common Purpose head-dicking. Fat, spotty and ginger: many CP graduates now hold senior positions in Whitehall, the BBC, local government and major police forces. Which explains this country's patent descent into an absolute clusterfcuk sh1thole.

The Sock Puppet Toilet; multiple callsigns; multiple personality disorder. 'Socks' usually log in under different user-names, to agree with themselves - because nobody else does - hoping nobody notices. Schizophrenic bellends.

The Brexiteer Toilet; thinks leaving the EU means shipping out all foreign workers from the UK, trusts the Tories, and believes that immigration will stop. Sometimes xenophobic or racist with a certain Little Englander mentality. On the other hand they might just be sick of the EU.

The EU Toilet; Federalist EU drone. Unable to function, think or survive outside of the European Union trough. Tells lies, may be a student, civil servant, or in business, convinced that "all Brexiteers are morons". No longer relevant or useful in the new age of UK independence and Brexit; therefore should be euthenised.

The Libtard Toilet or Liberal Retard; usually flames and abuses ARRSERs holding conservative or right-of-centre views. Hypocritical twunt - including mods - advocating open borders; spouts Liberalist drivel while suppressing freedom of speech, or using their position to promote wet agendas.

The Drunken Toilet; GUI: ganching under the influence. "I don't know what came over me". Alcoholic c0ck with a skinfull; a screeching sap, prone to crayon, "moderate", or spew bone threads. DiCK: Drunk in Charge of a Keyboard; guilty of dangerous typing while pissed. After abusing ARRSERs/kids/mother-in-law/partner/the dog: posts trite excuses with a virtual sickly grin, possibly from their sick-bed or a prison cell.

The Floppy Knob Toilet; impotent girlie, often seen on the boards starting arguments using ad-hominems. Loses arguments, gets humiliated, and reports their nemesis to the mods, hoping for satisfaction and 'justice'. Jabs the report button like a chimp on speed. Pathetic.

The ARRSEhole Toilet; gibbering or drunken bellend whose boring and often shite threads end up in the site's Arrsehole, ARRSE's collection of all the most irrelevant, dull, and annoying posts.

The Walting Toilet; civilian, or occasionally an Army Reservist. A self-styled nose-tapping 'military expert' who either never served with the British Army or its allies or did not deploy. Bluffing fibber, fundamentally equivalent to NAAFI Manager or the ubiquitous fantasist in the Pub.

The Bugsy Toilet; spammer. When reading through a thread you notice all the contributions by some members (in nearly all threads) have been spammed by Bugsy having a wobbler. These are topics he has had nothing to do with but because he doesn't like a couple of posters he will stalk their profile and go through every post they make on every thread and smash his tantrum button (User vampireuk, October 2016). Bugsy's nearest button-bashing mong equal is ARRSE[ole] member @Baglock.

The Demented Toilet; broken-brained, screen-licking mentalist, generally the site laughing-stock. Easy to spot, that is all.

The Overtly Racist Toilet; they create new accounts as fast as they're binned and come back to post more repetitive polemic in discriminatory or prejudicial language, aimed at various minorities.

The Contrary-Mary Toilet; friendless outcast unable to debate on open forum; afflicted with adolescent rage and oppositional defiance disorder. Usually incurable and prone to narcissistic vanity disorder. May have multiple accounts, and even "like" their own posts under several guises in their advanced state of schizophrenia.

The Religious Toilet; hypocritical religious freak extolling the 'virtues' of Sky Pixie religion and 'hoomanity'. Naive and wet; supports dangerous refugees, UK overcrowding, Church hegemony and extortion. Usually incurable without a sound education and a reality check.

The Antisemitic Toilet; rare but virulent arse, hostile to or prejudiced against Jews; often a Holocaust Denier. May be a modern Neo-Nazi or sympathizer, a Commie agitprop troll, or simply an attention-seeking racist-narcissist c0ck ridiculing the evidence of Nazi Holocaust crimes.

The Angry Toilet (new entry); frothing, troll-bait mentalist. Starts angry threads ranting about some "injustice" or other; often a rejected applicant or simply a humiliated failure. E.g. "the British military is effete, defeatist, fifth rate inferior rubbish". Inevitably gets mercilessly flamed while the thread just runs for general amusement.

The Poetic Toilet (new entry): The 'Mr Memory' type c0ck-end that starts magically disappearing threads in CA with prose worthy of a brain-damaged chimp, and the language proficiency of a drunken Russian parrot. Only silenced, for a while, by bad tempered Mods and the solemn promise of naughty points.

The Pollster Toilet (new entry): encouraged by His Purple Magnificence the Emperor (PBUH) to post dull thread polls on the most contentious and sensitive current issues, without thinking it through. By the time they realise: a proper ARRSE spanking occurs and you could make half a dozen omelettes with the eggy mess dripping off their mong faced swede.


External Links:

The ARRSE Site

ARRSE on WikipediaDictionary