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You’re nicked my ol’ cocker!


High tension political intrigue and action series based on the activities of a fictitious Spam government agency. 24 is unique it that it shows on the program every second of a 24 hour day (less time for adverts). The agency - called the CTU ... Counter Terrorist Unit - is a really bad place to work because you can't trust ANYBODY - and they are constantly locking up and torturing the staff (not unlike McDonalds).

This is due to the fact that there is ALWAYS a mole for the baddies inside CTU sending information to scupper Jack's efforts and to put him out of the game. Perhaps they should put a question on the CTU job application form - Do you carry out any covert work for an evil individual or organisation that is trying to stop Jack from doing his Job? - it might save problems in the long run.

The on site "holding" rooms and resident torturer who is itching to stick your bollocks in a vice and a 900,000 volt stun gun up your arse are fringe benefits alongside a private health plan to repair the damage afterwards.


The Presidential administrations are also infested with moles: a prime example is Walt in series 4 and 5. His name alone should have been a dead giveaway. Walt was a proud recipient of one of Jack's "shoeing of the week" awards.

There's loads of hosing down sinister cells of Fundie Jundies, political/ideological nutters (domestic and foreign) and assorted evil bastards that are bent on destroying America, our Western way of life and Mom's Apple Pie. There are so many NBC threats that the entire population of Los Angeles, maybe even North America, should be constantly running around wearing noddy suits.


They have the best kit you have ever seen, including tons of MP5's, satellites that can read your numberplate in pitch black darkness in the rain and check your face against a database while they're at it and shedloads of electronic devices that can do things that even THEM haven't thought about yet.

Main Characters

Jack Bauer

Jack is seriously nails. An ex-Spam Special Forces operative who is inextricably linked to CTU, he leaves and comes back so often that they should install a revolving door exclusively for his use.

He can't die - ever - because he's in for the full 24 hours. He can fly planes and helicopters; can beat the crap out of ANYONE; is hyper-intelligent; is an expert in stick-fighting - he has to be to fight off the swarms of women that are attracted to him. He's the best shot in the world; the best driver; can be horrendously tortured without grassing; he can even kill silently by creeping up behind you and scrambling your brains with a commando knife; it is unconfirmed but he is probably bulletproof as well; in fact he is the total superhero.

The downside is that every superhero has his weakness, Superman has Kryptonite and Jack has his mobile phone that he always leaves on ring and not silent alert when stalking the bad guys. Fortunately Jack is even nailsier than Superman and he always gets his man.

It must be impossible to sort out a duty roster to get anyone to work with him since it is usually a death sentence to be sent on ops with Jack, as his team always get killed while Jack escapes/finds the evidence/saves the world etc.

Shoeing of the Week Award

Jack loves to extract information from friend, foe and family alike, using some excellent torture techniques; knee-capping,electrocution and suffocation are all part of our hero's arsenal. Some of these interrogations are so amazing that a league table of them with scores and points could be devised.


Definitely a shoeing of the week, repeated punches to Walt's sternum resulted in him turning into a blubbering jellyfish and spilling the beans to Jack. Rating: 7 out of 10 for results, but could have spiced it up with a penknife under the fingernails.


Even Jack's brother wasn't immune from his sibling's tender ministrations and a shoeing of the week. A good start with a knockout punch followed up by a tying to the chair definitely put Graham's shoeing into a high scoring bracket. The piece de resistance was sticking a plastic bag over the head and suffocating poor bro into coughing up the intel clinched it. Rating: Flawless execution with seamless transition led to an actual threat of death or oxygen starvation to the brain, Graham would have either died or lived the rest of his miserable life as a slobbering mong. 10 out of 10 Jack, difficult to improve on.

Anatoli Markov

The Russian Ambassador with L.A. consulate fell foul of Jack's much vaunted questioning skills and received one of his celebrated shoeings of the week. A bit of a slow start involving some average face-slapping that quickly escalated into a tying to the the chair and, wait for it, CUTTING OFF HIS LITTLE FINGER WITH A CIGAR GUILLOTINE!!! Yay Jack, that was a cracker!! A good 8 out of 10 for inventiveness and a sure no questions asked entry for poor old Anatoli to "The Yakuza Club".

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