Your worst Military Faux Pas

Discussion in 'Officers' started by fartsac, May 5, 2006.

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  1. What's been your worst C*ck Up ('Military Blunder') whilst serving?

    Let's have all the gory details.... :)
  2. Come on gentlemen, don't be shy we all seen you do them!
  3. Signing on to extend my SSC
  4. Can I post one of mine even if I'm not commisioned ?
  5. I was walking up the road and the whole of Fire Support Company was marching past including all the hierarchy. In the traditional Scot Div way, the whole of the Pipes and Drums were skirling away and the lads were swaggering like good 'uns. So all in all, a large body of men.

    I barked "Morning Sir" (or similar) to the OC and started to bang up a might fine salute and as my hand started to arc up I suddenly realised....I was in sports kit. Every man jack pissed themselves laughing at me.

    AARGHHH.... :oops: Even now, I cringe with embarassment.
  6. Got caught during a "navigation error" in County Monaghan. Ord Offr for a month.
  7. My first command appointment, requiring navigation, was my biggest mistake. I was happily leading my section to the grid ref given to me, when the good old DS pipes up "stop and tell show me where you are and where you're going".

    I grab my bit of grass and correctly point to where we are and where we're going to. The DS then asks what route I'm taking.

    "I'm going to follow this track" says I.

    "Good Idea" responds the DS. "Unfortunatly, that's a contour line".
  8. My faux pas are to many to list but one that springs to mind recently occurred this year. There I was on Church Fenton airfield with my relay truck at the end of a longish line of other relay trucks, no one else to speak to but other operators on the net

    The only person I'd seen all day apart from my oppo was my mucker on the next relay along about 50 metres or so in distance.

    Every so often we'd catch each others eye and do the old "tut isn't this fun"rolling of the eyes up to heaven which is where the Yeoman and Foreman live

    Anyway there I was minding my own buisiness and working out if I could afford a mobile phone with a big enough memory to download decent porn whilst pulling a length of cable to the next relay.

    Looking up I realised there were two figures by my mates truck so being a pleasent enough cove I raised my hand and waved calling "Alright ?" as you do.

    "Good morning L/Cpl ***" came the reply from my CO and his bezzer mate the RSM

    "WEEEEeeeeeee....." went my hopes of promotion in my long but lacklustre career
  9. Explaining what an OTC is to an old buffer at a cocktail party. He circulates...

    "Who was that, he seemed quite nice?"

    "Brigadier The Duke of Northumberland DSO"

  10. Chatting to a pleasant, smartly suited gentleman at a military hospital cocktail party:

    "So, how did you come to be invited? Do you have a connection to the hospital?"

    "I'm Director General of Army Medical Services...."

  11. Was at lightning strike a while back ( uotc signals recruiting comp)random guy rocks up and starts giving me rancid chat , I say to him- '' what otc are you with SSM?'' apparently he was director of recruiting for the signals and a major to boot :oops:
    Although the next day a young signals subby did the same to my TM so i guess everyone ain't perfect, or everyone bar Ocdts and signals subbys is perfect.
  12. A similar one to Beast's (without trying to be a johnny two s**ts). As YOs we were detailed to do various jobs for the School of Artillery's annual cocktail party and beating the retreat. My job was to check off the names of the guests at the door and palm them off to another subby who would take them to the particular table where they were being hosted. Some old dude rocked up and I started squinting at him to see if I recognised him. I didn't so looked through the list to see who it could be. I was on page 3 when he leaned over to me and said "I'm probably somewhere near the top: ah there I am" It was The Master Gunner Field Marshal the Lord Vincent GBE KCB DSO.

  13. That will be when I turned up at a Squadron bash in a toga and leathered from a Saturday afternoon of urban sport. Sat on the OCs father's lap, and proceeded to give his glistening pate the Benny Hill treatment.

    Monday morning, short chat with the old man and no need to worry about sorting out my social life for the next month, he'd had a word with the Adjt and kindly done it for me.

    Winner all round.
  14. Mine was at JCSE, we had a very strange general from a very scottish regt., it was his day to do the big presentation about Captains and our responsibilities etc.

    I was running a little late and dashed into the auditorium, my way was blocked by a chap in a kilt, a very strange jumper heavy wool, a strange hat and a very large tash. I said "excuse me I am late for the General", he looked around and said "I am the General".

    Stangely his main subject was "Punctuality"
  15. and another one.

    Looking after a friends dog at ARRC for Remberance Weekend.

    Lots of foreign bods and assorted wives came back to mess for regulation curry lunch.

    Dep Comd wife was a lovely Italian lady called Donna Berta Ficocello (or similar), she had a very expensive fur coat that said dog took more than a shine to. Coat was extricated and sent to cloak room. Dog not seen for some time, eventually located by very strange sounds coming from cloak room - the issue was very obvious!!

    Italian lady was suddenly less lovely. Next morning whilst explaining to ARRC Comd why Dep Comd was upset, looked round to see said dog laying most enormous turd on Comd's carpet.

    Funny, did not get to look after the dog again.