Your views on the bible

Some of it is quite moving;

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'

And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas.

And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.

Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
...all of which makes more sense and logic than that book... :slow:
 
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The bible is NOT historically corroborated.
We have absolutely no way of knowing if the New testament is "reasonably accurate" but since it was written decades after the fact by educated Greeks, far away from the scene in which it is set, we can safely assume that it cannot be relied upon, moreover because it incorporates wild mythology and fairy tales.

Granted there are some odd bits, and in the OT a lot of duplication, but there are lots of events that can be collerated with other sources. And the background to the NT is reasonable, not perfect it's true, for example Pontius Pilate is a known character, who was the local procurator at the time.
 
Adam and Eve’s sons had children, but the only woman around at the time was their mum, so where did the grandchildren come from? This conundrum has never been fully explained, perhaps because the potential answers are too worrying for the whole of mankind.

No sweat. Treat the Garden of Eden (Exodus 2) event as a side event from the main show (Exodus 1). Men and women were already created:

Exodus 1:26 Then God said, “Let Us make man like Us and let him be head over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every thing that moves on the ground.” 27 And God made man in His own likeness. In the likeness of God He made him. He made both male and female. 28 And God wanted good to come to them, saying, “Give birth to many. Grow in number. Fill the earth and rule over it.

This is also backed by Cain's concerns that others would kill him - the "others", as well as his wife, were Exodus 1 people.
 
Granted there are some odd bits, and in the OT a lot of duplication, but there are lots of events that can be collerated with other sources. And the background to the NT is reasonable, not perfect it's true, for example Pontius Pilate is a known character, who was the local procurator at the time.

Please give us three examples of the "lots" you mention, referencing the source/s for each. If you're thinking of Josephus I may as well save you the effort since he's proved himself about as reliable as Comical Ali.

What is you point in mentioning that Pontius Pilate was a real character? Xerxes, Henry Vlll and Michael Jackson were real characters - what does it prove?
 
Granted there are some odd bits, and in the OT a lot of duplication, but there are lots of events that can be collerated with other sources. And the background to the NT is reasonable, not perfect it's true, for example Pontius Pilate is a known character, who was the local procurator at the time.
Pontus Pilate was supposely born in Aberfeldy
If true, that makes him a bigger village idiot that i can ever hope to be
Is true, his father was prefect of the area and legend say's he had a daughter from the clan McLaren
 
What if God is the bad guy & Lucifer is actually the Good guy?

We all know that the winners write History ,has Lucifer just been given a kicking and is on the wrong side of God's PR campaign.

How many Satanists have been nicked for child sexual abuse in comparison to Catholic Priests?

Funny you should ask ...


I'll leave others to dig out the data on satanists involved in child abuse.


If God is benevolent then why so many Wars, Floods,Famines etc

It's strange how many people seem to regard their independence of thought and action as paramount ("Frrrreeeedommmm!") yet whine like scousers when God doesn't prevent the actions of others (or themselves) ...

..and just WTF was he doing making Pikeys?

Clear evidence Lucifer's the bad guy. By the time St Paddy got round to clearing out all the snakes, it was too late - the damage had been done.
 
Pontus Pilate was supposely born in Aberfeldy
If true, that makes him a bigger village idiot that i can ever hope to be
Is true, his father was prefect of the area and legend say's he had a daughter from the clan McLaren

Aye laddie we ken

pontiuspilatesbodyguard.jpg
 
Pontus Pilate was supposely born in Aberfeldy
I never really understood how this could be possible. Pilate is normally described as Governor from 26 - 36 AD meaning he would have been born around the year 0. Agricola’s campaign in Caledonia didn’t start until 78AD, so it’s hard to see how Pilates could have been born anywhere in Caledonia.
 
I have tried to read this tome many times but never seem to get past page ten.

Is it worth persevering with it as I pretty much know about 60% of what's in there. I am in no way religious, just wondered if it was worth the time.

I'm not trying to start a debate or take the piss, I had the same dilemma when I picked up Homers Odyssey.
The butler did it.
 
Adam and Eve’s sons had children, but the only woman around at the time was their mum, so where did the grandchildren come from? This conundrum has never been fully explained, perhaps because the potential answers are too worrying for the whole of mankind.
1659799515396.png
 

Aphra

War Hero
Anyone interested in the history of Israel and especially of the Jewish people from pre-monotheistic times could do worse than read James Michener's The Source. It's a novel but the historical detail is well researched (for the time of writing) and the characters are well drawn. It's a hefty tome but it keeps moving and is very engaging. For example, the description of the construction of Hezekiah's tunnel is fascinating and, having seen it several times, I could see what an astonishing feat of engineering it is.

As to the Bible, you can skip the 'begats' in the Old Testament, they add very little to the whole, but there are some epic (if slightly unbelievable) battle scenes.
 

Sarastro

LE
Kit Reviewer
I used to have a bit of an atheist thing when I was younger and living in America. It was remarkably easy to invite in the door-to-door Bible distributors and make them question their faith, apparently all that was required was a cup of tea, a British accent and some pointed questions. Slightly immature, but didn't instill a great deal of faith in the solidity of Evangelical beliefs.

At the same time I also discovered this amazingly self-satirising site - ChildCare Action Project (CAP): Christian Analysis of American Culture - which was new at the time, but does movie reviews according to the Bible. I'll let you peruse, but I highly recommend the South Park: BLU review which is hilarious. Mary Poppins was for many years the only film to get a perfect score, which is a bit odd because Harry Potter got panned because "magic", and I'm fairly sure the point of Mary Poppins wasn't that she was a trailblazing female engineer who invented the flying umbrella.

Some of the logic on display is remarkable (also see: Why Don't You CAP Review The Bible?). I particularly like the designation of "the most foul of all foul words", apparently as dictated by Jesus (it's fcuk boys and girls), without seeming to acknowledge that Jesus spoke some version of Hebrew. I don't speak Hebrew, but pretty sure there is some differentiation between "****", "sex", "intercourse", etc etc. Did Jesus really say "****" to ban saying "****", or did he say זִיוּן ? Did he even say זִיוּן or instead סֶקס? Does that mean we shouldn't say זִיוּן, or ****, or both? Fundamental questions I feel we all need answers to, so @Mech_Eng if you find them while reading, please do let us all know.
 

Stan_Deesey

War Hero
What if God is the bad guy & Lucifer is actually the Good guy?

We all know that the winners write History ,has Lucifer just been given a kicking and is on the wrong side of God's PR campaign.

There is a non-canonical gospel that has a plot similar to that.

It´s possibly the Gospel of Judas, which also paints Judas as a good guy. The gist of the story is that after creating the World, God handed it over to a lesser god, and then went on to create other worlds. The dude he left in charge caused chaos, and Jesus was sent down to spread the message to not follow him.

The four canonical gospels of the New Testament are not the only gospels to be written - they are the four that were deemed acceptable by the people who put the book together. There were many others written by anonymous authors that were not included. (The four that were included were also written by unknown authors).
 

Sarastro

LE
Kit Reviewer
There were many others written by anonymous authors that were not included. (The four that were included were also written by unknown authors).
Mormon, for one. Rich American guy, did all his writing in gold.
 

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