Your very own gameshow!

#1
Suppose you had the power to commission your very own gameshow for primetime saturday night TV, what would you do?

Following on from a conversation t'other neet darn t'pub, I present to you, loyal Arrser's...'As the Bird Flys'.

The format is simple: We buy the 'Skytrack' off Gladiator and position it over a purpose built replica farmyard, filled with small annimals, mongs, teletubby's, ex big brother contestents, whatever you like. We then get ex - cricket umpire extrordinare Dicky Bird fixed to the Skytrack and secure cache's of house bricks at conveniant intervals over the track.

Viewers call in and manouver Dicky over the annimals, mongs etc in order for him to drop his missile onto it. They do this by shouting directions down the phone, 'Left, left, left, drop!' etc. The more annimals, mongs etc hit in a set time, the greater that viewers score. I'd commission it in an instant if I could.
 
#2
Im thinking of something including Bush, Bliar, an active volcano, and a fast down-hill race. First one to the bottom has the audience vote what item he should be given to help get off the island, ideally a boat, more likely...well....not a boat.
 
#3
"Ask the Badge" - contestants, who will be Chief Clerks, are subjected to intense questioning on trivia, programme of events and military pay and law. The aim is to so frustrate them that eventually they tell you to go and "ask the RSM" or "ask the RQ". At that point, depending on how many questions of absolute imbecility it took to elicit this answer, they will get a prize.
 
#4
Bradshaw said:
Im thinking of something including Bush, Bliar, an active volcano, and a fast down-hill race. First one to the bottom has the audience vote what item he should be given to help get off the island, ideally a boat, more likely...well....not a boat.
You could call it 'Go With The (pyroclastic) Flow', and the prize would be fifty year old shark reppellant for the swim home through the Indian Ocean.
 
#5
Got another one: You find a good humoured tramp, or make yourself up an outfit as authentic as possible, the key here is the smell - as bad as you can. You then follow the tramp or pseudo - tramp around with a concealed video camera, filming his every move. The aim is to visit as many high class establisments as possible and time how long it takes the tramp or pseudo tramp to be politely asked to leave. Resteraunts are a good one, or top class clothes shops like Selfridges. The tramp or pseudo tramp with the longest time is the winner, and gets a prize.

I call it 'The Sh*ttiest Hobo'.
 
#6
Morty said:
Got another one: You find a good humoured tramp, or make yourself up an outfit as authentic as possible, the key here is the smell - as bad as you can. You then follow the tramp or pseudo - tramp around with a concealed video camera, filming his every move. The aim is to visit as many high class establisments as possible and time how long it takes the tramp or pseudo tramp to be politely asked to leave. Resteraunts are a good one, or top class clothes shops like Selfridges. The tramp or pseudo tramp with the longest time is the winner, and gets a prize.

I call it 'The Sh*ttiest Hobo'.
Give him a wad to wave at the Maitre’D, let's see if money, does indeed, talk...
 
#7
I'd have this Game show called "Bite the bullet"

Where you get all the salesmen selling weapons and armour, and smoke and stuff to see if it lives up to their claims.

So... you put the bloke from Scanfibre behind his Kevlar plate that stops a 0.5" bullet and shoot at him.

Then you get the bloke who sells ECM to drive over an IED... the bloke with the metal detector to go through a minefield... the smoke bloke (Hi if you're reading) to survive from a sniper the full 45 seconds he promises cover etc. All with tons of clapping and witty repartie. To quote Paul Weller - (now) That's Entertainment!

The prizes will be contracts from the MOD... but booby prizes and chicken out prizes will be tours of duty and nappies and tours on carty things round the City of London with a big signs round their necks.
 
#8
BaldricksBullet said:
I'd have this Game show called "Bite the bullet"

Where you get all the salesmen selling weapons and armour, and smoke and stuff to see if it lives up to their claims.

So... you put the bloke from Scanfibre behind his Kevlar plate that stops a 0.5" bullet and shoot at him.

Then you get the bloke who sells ECM to drive over an IED... the bloke with the metal detector to go through a minefield... the smoke bloke (Hi if you're reading) to survive from a sniper the full 45 seconds he promises cover etc. All with tons of clapping and witty repartie. To quote Paul Weller - (now) That's Entertainment!

The prizes will be contracts from the MOD... but booby prizes and chicken out prizes will be tours of duty and nappies and tours on carty things round the City of London with a big signs round their necks.
Great idea, however, that does mean that you would have to stand, holding a bullet with your name on it, while several people take pot shots at you firing bullets that don't have your name on them.

Fair's fair :lol:
 

stet

War Hero
#9
identify whats in range stew
winner gets an extra slice of rubber bread
 
#10
No Sh1t Sherlock.

A number of contestants dressed as Sherlock Holmes have to solve a series of '3-2-1' style conundrums to win the right to do battle with Professor Moriarty (played by Zammo from Grange Hill) over the Reichenbach waterfall.

Throughout the contest, the contestants must exist on a low-fibre diet causing them to be egg-bound; they must remain bunged up for the duration, any contestant who sh1ts themself (no access to toilets will be allowed) will be disqualified. Disqualified contestants will be escorted by Dr Watson (Konnie Huq from Blue Peter) through the walk of shame where a series of wizened old ladies prod there sh1t encrusted backside with umbrellas before they are bundled into a taxi and driven to the HQ of Droitwich Ferret Welfare for six months penal servitude.

The winner (should they not plunge to their death in mortal combat) gets presented with a deer stalker hat, a large pipe and a year's supply of badger hair shaving brushes and ginger merkins.

The show should be presented by Eddie the Eagle Edwards, in a tutu.
 
#11
Bat_Crab said:
No Sh1t Sherlock.

A number of contestants dressed as Sherlock Holmes have to solve a series of '3-2-1' style conundrums to win the right to do battle with Professor Moriarty (played by Zammo from Grange Hill) over the Reichenbach waterfall.

Throughout the contest, the contestants must exist on a low-fibre diet causing them to be egg-bound; they must remain bunged up for the duration, any contestant who sh1ts themself (no access to toilets will be allowed) will be disqualified. Disqualified contestants will be escorted by Dr Watson (Konnie Huq from Blue Peter) through the walk of shame where a series of wizened old ladies prod there sh1t encrusted backside with umbrellas before they are bundled into a taxi and driven to the HQ of Droitwich Ferret Welfare for six months penal servitude.

The winner (should they not plunge to their death in mortal combat) gets presented with a deer stalker hat, a large pipe and a year's supply of badger hair shaving brushes and ginger merkins.

The show should be presented by Eddie the Eagle Edwards, in a tutu.
Yadda, yadda, yadda...it's been done already! Now where's that idea for a show staffed and guested entirely by limbless midgets...
 
#12
Greased Simian Limbless Midget Race perchance?

Greased limbless midgets are carried across a 1 km obstacle course (3 lengths of the deck) on the USS Nimitz, anchored off the breakwater in Plymouth Sound by a selection of poorly trained chimpanzees. At the end of the course the winning midget is duct taped to the under belly of a Grumman EA-6B Prowler aircraft for a whirlwind tour of the Palmerston era defensive fortifications around Plymouth.

The losing midgets (and their chimps) are fired from the carriers' deck using steam catapults.
 
#13
Bat_Crab said:
Greased Simian Limbless Midget Race perchance?

Greased limbless midgets are carried across a 1 km obstacle course (3 lengths of the deck) on the USS Nimitz, anchored off the breakwater in Plymouth Sound by a selection of poorly trained chimpanzees. At the end of the course the winning midget is duct taped to the under belly of a Grumman EA-6B Prowler aircraft for a whirlwind tour of the Palmerston era defensive fortifications around Plymouth.

The losing midgets (and their chimps) are fired from the carriers' deck using steam catapults.
Internal Memorandum
Arrse TV Centre
19 August 2006

Batcrab...like your treatment of the "tiny torsos" idea. Not chimps though, too anthropoid - maybe macaques or gibbons?? See if Mary Chipperfield is interested and get full brief on Lord Grade's desk by 0730hrs Monday. Yours aye
Cuddles.
 
#14
Bat_Crab & Cuddles: If you want ratings success you need to dumb it down with more flesh and animal costumes ie. naked midgets and lesbians (minority + controversy) in gorilla suits.

Maybe tie it in with Armando Iannucci's Time Trumpet's 'Rape an Ape' and Alan Partridge's 'Monkey Tennis'.

You're very welcome to donate my cut to my favorite charities 'Kids with no legs' and 'Wankers for Justice'
 
#15
A cheque is on its way to your favourite charity "Just for *******".
 
#16
Similar to other ideas, but I invented this a year ago. It's Celebrity Far Cry.

It's a cross between the video game Far Cry, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here & The Running Man.

The rules are simple - annoying celebs are placed on a Micronesian island & are armed with a wide variety of weapons. The contestants are then placed on the island armed only with a knife, & then they must proceed to wipe out as many celebs as possible & in turn pick up bigger & better weapons off their corpses.

Here's an example:

 
#17
Ok heres a good one you get a Lieblair spin doctor and his bint and ask them a series of questions to simple your average window licker would ask if you were taking the p1ss.
Its a multi guess game too and passes though stages so that the can win up to a million for charity.
The entertainment value is you screaming at the telly because they are so thick that they wouldnt even know what Skylab was if it fell on them and know that this is the reason the country is so fcuked up.
Nah forget it, its stupid and to far fetched back to the dropping bricks on mongs game.
 
#18
Death Island

10 heavy smokers are placed on an island without fags or tobacco. Last one alive wins.

Well have you ever tried to give up smoking? :D
 
#19
This one is a real winner.
The Wright Brand Oleary Show.
Bit of a play on words so punters get to think they're going to take hot irons to Dermot Oleary, just to make it a bit more sexy.

What actually happens is 2 contestants get to punch Russell Brand and Dermot Oleary in the face, looser is the one who gets tired first (so it could go on for weeks).

Then as a prize they're given a 9 milly and get to stand on Steve Wrights neck and pump round after round into his irritating grid screaming
'Mispronounce the fcuking words now you cnut'.

I'm looking at a 92F with an extended mag as weapon of choice as the 13 rounds in a browning just wouldnt be enough.

Admittedly limited life as after you do Mathew Wright in the next episode you'd have to change the title.
 
#20
My gameshow would be similiar to the movie The Running Man - however it would be called "Mutilate the Mong".Contestants would choose a "gladiator" and method of execution, then the mong would be let loose on a council estate and the gladiator would hunt them down. it could have a celebrity version in which w@nk "C" list jade goodie types would be hunted down instead,or another spin off could be "Chase the Chav".
 

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