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your town is shit, and here's why

We’ve done the shit towns’ thing before, where people chip in and nominate their town as the worst & then proceed to slate it. But as this is the Naafi and I’m feeling argumentative, shall we slag off someone else’s home-town rather than our own? Then folk can chime in, defend their gaff and lay into somewhere else. Sort of identify (in my opinion) shitholes and allow other arrsers to avoid them.

I was in Rotherham today with work. What a shithole. Why on earth does any town need 3 Greggs? And as for the fatties on mobility scooters queuing to speak to a “no claim, no blame” solicitor who had set up in the middle of the town (think AA service station style) and they were queuing to chance it! Every other pub was boarded up, and those that were open appeared to be full of unemployable, tracky panted wasters with no front teeth . Or is this a new S.Yorks fashion I’ve not seen before? Add to that a seemingly endless supply of teenage mums pushing buggies, slapping their offspring while scattering fag ash on them, and it does not make a good impression. Unless dodgy chavette types with ropey tattoo’s puffing on roll-ups and showing off their underwear above their waistband is your thing.

I saw one lass (who was quite fit) sitting in front of the cathedral in town, she was gently rocking a buggy with a bawling tot in it. Now, she looked well turned out, very pretty, clean tidy clothes and same for the baby. But the look of utter defeat on her face, like she had just realised how badly she had fucked up her life, was what really stood out.

Anyway, the place is a shithole, utter shithole and only looked good in my rear-view mirror.
Margate, definately margate.
Half of it is boarded up like a really shit pikey estate, everyone living there is either really young or really old with no age gap in between and they all look physically fucked.
The seafront has dogshit every 5 steps and the whole place stinks.
I don't give a shit which town you put up, who's town you put up, or why you put it up. Crewe trumps them all as the shitehole of England. Its the in-bred spawning ground of chavs before chavs became fashionable. The majority of people who 'hail' from this Victorian-era slum are ignorant, hide-bound, dull, unintelligent fuckwits.

To give an example of precisely why it beats other town's hands down? At the height of the housing boom last decade, Crewe made the national headlines for having the cheapest house prices in the UK. Think about that for a moment. People would rather live in Bradford, Rotherham, Doncaster, Heighton, Keighley, Buuurminghum, or even feckin Wales, anywhere.. ANYWHERE... than this sceptic abscess half way up the M6.

'Crewe - Gateway to The NorthWest' was a suggested strapline. I should have said 'Crewe - A Sceptic Spot Six Inches Up The Arsehole of England".

It isn't my town, no matter that I currently live here, so I'm within the OP's [stupid - perhaps he's a Cruton or Cretin or whatever the terry fuckwits from South Cheshire are called] rules. So fucking there.

Crewe. A prime dumping ground for your toxic waste.


Book Reviewer
Why on earth does any town need 3 Greggs?
Because Greggs is a Geordie firm based in Newcastle upon Tyne, the Cultural Capital of fucking everything. Greggs provide savoury snacks, cakes and bread which you poor people will eat. It is the law.

Do I detect a lilt in your voice? A slight hint of the West Country? Is it as you may be WELSH Boyo? Fucks sakes. Here is a pic of Britnay Spears. Try not to spunk on your keyboard.

brittnay spears.jpg
Birkenhead - not quite my home town but close enough.

The town centre's full of disgusting chav mutants who probably can't spell work never mind find any. Spotty faced 22 year olds with huge heads shaped like peanuts, hair shaved down 'to the bone', dressed in expensively named sportswear with the most horrible exaggerated Scouse accent walking round town spitting, swearing and basically looking like maybe Hitler didn't really have the worst ideas in the world.

The female of the species will be similarly attired in either branded sportswear or those skin tight legging things the girls are wearing these days, whether or not they've got thighs like a bag of spuds. The craze for wearing your pyjamas out in town seems to be abating but still happens. They will be sporting a luminous orange fake tan sponsored by Cuprinol, make up thicker than the glacis plate of a Chally 2, those Scousebrow things that are fashionable at the minute and might well have their hair in curlers (yes, in public). Their accent will be just as horrible as the male's, accentuated by being of such a tone that when really annoyed only dogs and bats can hear them. Their children (almost certainly at least one) will be ugly, obese ginger things dressed much like their parents and will live on an exclusive diet of Sayers pasties.

The town centre? Sayers, charity shop, Greggs, boarded up, charity shop, Brighthouse, charity shop, Costa, charity shop, boarded up, WH Smith, boarded up, Sayers, charity shop, charity shop, boarded up. Then, of course, there's Birkenhead market. It's a big indoor market (the permanent type rather than the boot sale type). When I was a kid I loved the market - there was the little place that sold second hand Commando comics than I bought in their dozens and she gave me 10p each for my returns, there was the little place full of Army capbadges and little diecast models of tanks and planes, the place my Dad went for all his DIY stuff, a proper old school place where you could still buy screws and nails by the pound if you wanted to run by someone older than Zeus who knew everything in the world about repairing and building pretty much anything from a water heater to a fence to a 1983 Datsun Cherry to HMS Ark Royal (probably). Now? Mobile phone accessories store, eyebrow threading, shit fast food, crappy cheap clothes, mobile phone accessories, eyebrow threading, empty, shit fast food, repeat ad nauseum.

In short, the place has absolutely no redeeming features whatsoever except as a testing range for Trident Mk II.
I had the misfortune of driving through Newcastle city centre on Saturday evening recently. Fuck me, how does the old Bill keep that lot under control, automatic weapons?!


Book Reviewer
No. Newcastle is a monstrous anus.
Yeah, soft and yielding. That's us.

I am fairly sure Taf49 has a west country lilt to his voice and is in fact, a Welsh puff. From Wales. Where they fuck sheep cos all the birds have hung themselves from trees. Which, let us face it, is a sound alternative to being fucked by a ginger dwarf who has just done a fucking sheep up the bottom. Like Taff49.

Here. Education is my life. Straights it is.

I saw one lass (who was quite fit) sitting in front of the cathedral in town, she was gently rocking a buggy with a bawling tot in it. Now, she looked well turned out, very pretty, clean tidy clothes and same for the baby. But the look of utter defeat on her face, like she had just realised how badly she had fucked up her life, was what really stood out.
Now that is a truly great thing to see. I envy you, sir!


Gallery Guru
Is the maggot factory in Mexborough still there?

Mind you....

Anyone with "Taff" as their callsign should not throw stones, tbh.

The whole of Wales is a shithole. Sump towns with nowt to do, shite food and a bunch of 'intellectuals' in bedsheets blowing crump horns at an annual Cuntfest.
Yes I believe it is, my friend L/Cpl Sumo has his sleeping bag specially made as he was so fat he couldn't squeeze into any off the peg ones.


Book Reviewer
Sarfend is great , i am a newcomer but over the past 10 years it is being done up nicely . But every time a new innovative idea comes up for improvement the locals whinge about we like it the way it was and we don't want to pay more council tax blah blah blah . Thank god most of the funding comes from central Government and EEC.
Having seen similar threads here and on other sites I'd say the whole of the UK sucks. In virtually all the posts you just need to substitute your town
with a random town and you'll get the same result. I tried it with the first post and used Woking or Basingstoke with Newcastle...

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