Your skidmark stories here

#1
I've managed to put a skidmark on the living room wall. It may have been there for some time, too. :oops:

Your turn...
 
#2
How the hell did you manage to put a skidmark on a wall? You must be incredibly acrobatic.

Only skidmark I know how to put anywhere looks a lot like these:
 

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#3
Once left an absolute corker on a "one night standers" bed sheets. Stood up to put my drollies on and noticed a huge feck off 5" skidder. Subtle movement of blanket hid the trophy.
 
#4
Being a belt & braces man I always tuck vest inside shreddies so my entry for 'Something that would look better in 'Field & Track' magazine' often starts at the bottom of the vest and continues through to said skiddies.

The missus wonders that my bumhole is able to move up and down my back.
 
#5
Swamp_Rat said:
Being a belt & braces man I always tuck vest inside shreddies so my entry for 'Something that would look better in 'Field & Track' magazine' often starts at the bottom of the vest and continues through to said skiddies.

The missus wonders that my bumhole is able to move up and down my back.
Please assure your missus that she can be able to achieve the same feat but only under my continued tutelage.

Although I might say that after last night, it should be so loose as to bounce all the way to her neck.
 
#6
puzzledgrunt said:
I've managed to put a skidmark on the living room wall.
An acheivment to be proud of.

No need to explain how it got there, the very fact that it is a trophy of heteroness in the extreme.

I've only managed a mudmark on the settee, the dining chair, a rented fancy dress outfit and a car seat.
 
#7
Went to the doctors to have my bollocks checked prior to an operation for a torsion (another story). Asked to drop trollies and lay down on paper covered inspection couch. Doctor copped a right good feel of me nads and asked me to dress after he had his wicked way. Upon closer inspection of cubicle prior to my exit, I noticed a big 4 incher. Not wanting to face the embaressment I deftly flipped the paper over only to reveal another skid which must have been deposited by a previous 'skidee'. Mine was better though!
 
#8
qman said:
Upon closer inspection of cubicle prior to my exit, I noticed a big 4 incher. Not wanting to face the embaressment I deftly flipped the paper over only to reveal another skid which must have been deposited by a previous 'skidee'. Mine was better though!
I was expecting 'so I did a proper wipe with the tissue on the table then placed it neatly back in position'.

(mon roulé)
 
#9
Funniest one I saw was in 12 Facility down FI. 2 Reem's mexican bumw@nked one of the crabs and left the poor unfortunate with a facial 3-incher on his grid. Laughed so hard I astonished myself by lagging my bed not 4 hours later :roll:
 
#10
Cable_Ties said:
Funniest one I saw was in 12 Facility down FI. 2 Reem's mexican bumw@nked one of the crabs and left the poor unfortunate with a facial 3-incher on his grid. Laughed so hard I astonished myself by lagging my bed not 4 hours later :roll:
I laughed hard at both aspects of this - nice one.
 
#11
qman said:
Went to the doctors to have my balls checked prior to an operation for a torsion (another story). Asked to drop trollies and lay down on paper covered inspection couch. Doctor copped a right good feel of me nads and asked me to dress after he had his wicked way. Upon closer inspection of cubicle prior to my exit, I noticed a big 4 incher. Not wanting to face the embaressment I deftly flipped the paper over only to reveal another skid which must have been deposited by a previous 'skidee'. Mine was better though!
so its true.

you are gay.
 
#12
Whilst on the pish in Holland i had a shower in the hotel i was staying in ready for going out.

Once out the shower i was merrily drying myself with the white towels provided when i looked down and noticed i had left a great poo stripe akin to the marks on Heathrows Runway 27L.

How this happened when i had just had a shower still bewilders me to this day..........
 
#14
I was at Reading's 4 - 0 defeat to Arsenal last season, about 80 minutes into the game I finally gave into my "poo labour" and went for a 5shite, upon inspection, I found I had followed through.

I removed my pants and was about to ditch them when I had a better idea, I would use them as a message about how Reading played, yes - 5hit! I carefully folded them parachute stylee and pocketed them.

During the final few minutes I positioned myself at the entrance of one of the tunnels to the stand I was in, my plan being at the final whistle to hurl them forward where they would land on the roof of the net a mere 20 rows in front, hopefully being caught on MoTD for all to see.

Come the final whistle, I threw the panty package forward only to see them deploy too soon and begin to descend about three rows in front of me, they hit a bloke on the shoulder and then landed on the floor at his feet, he looked down,] staring in disbelief, then looked up and around trying to work out which one of the 5000 or so fans behind him was the culprit!

If you think thats bad I also messed me cacks at my wedding reception but hats another story!
 
#15
WRAPJOBAGAIN said:
qman said:
Went to the doctors to have my balls checked prior to an operation for a torsion (another story). Asked to drop trollies and lay down on paper covered inspection couch. Doctor copped a right good feel of me nads and asked me to dress after he had his wicked way. Upon closer inspection of cubicle prior to my exit, I noticed a big 4 incher. Not wanting to face the embarassment I deftly flipped the paper over only to reveal another skid which must have been deposited by a previous 'skidee'. Mine was better though!
so its true.

you are gay.
Yes indeed .....Happier than a sandboy! Oh I see what you mean. You are asking if I am a heemasex. I don't beleive in Heemasexers and I refuse to acknowledge their exsistence. They fall into the same bracket as fairies and santa clauses. Saying that though I heard that you were caught with a skidmark on yer bellend which was also stinking of man turd! So maybe fairies are real!
 
#16
A mate of mine went running,farted & followed thru after a night on Guiness & curry,had to then waddle back to camp with black guiness liquid sh1t running down his legs!
Fecking idiot!
 
#17
spike7451 said:
A mate of mine went running,farted & followed thru after a night on Guiness & curry,had to then waddle back to camp with black guiness liquid sh1t running down his legs!
Fecking idiot!
Hmm see the other thread
was he called steve
mind you that has happened to me too.
 
B

Bottleosmoke

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#18
oldbooty said:
spike7451 said:
A mate of mine went running,farted & followed thru after a night on Guiness & curry,had to then waddle back to camp with black guiness liquid sh1t running down his legs!
Fecking idiot!
Hmm see the other thread
was he called steve
mind you that has happened to me too.
Friday woods in Colchester are littered with my droppings.
I still get caught short now when running but luckily enough I live near a training area so can pop into the tardises out on the ranges.

I also had to drop my keks in the rhodadendrum bushes along the A325 in Aldershot.
 
#19
Devil_Dog said:
How the hell did you manage to put a skidmark on a wall? You must be incredibly acrobatic.

Only skidmark I know how to put anywhere looks a lot like these:
I would explain, but it's too horrible, even for here... :D
 
#20
minister_doh_nut said:
puzzledgrunt said:
I've managed to put a skidmark on the living room wall.
An acheivment to be proud of.

No need to explain how it got there, the very fact that it is a trophy of heteroness in the extreme.

I've only managed a mudmark on the settee, the dining chair, a rented fancy dress outfit and a car seat.
High praise indeed, sir. I thank you.
 

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