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your own funeral

#1
anyone else ever thought about this??

how do you envisage your own funeral?

would it be a grand affair?

would only 5 or less people show up?

how would you like it to go and of course what would you not like to happen?

any choice music? get the tears rolling or something funny that someone might remember you by? alot of people say "see you later alligator!" but has it ever been done? will you be the first?!

what about the place... a military cemetary or like my wish, a viking longboat set ablaze!

the floor is yours!
 
#2
For me it's a white sheet over the coffin with a few choice bottle's of Scotlands finest and a few glasses people can then help themselves and have a last drink on me :D
 
#3
I certainly won't be having my coffin painted white, resplendent with the Cross of St George and the words "England" painted on the side in black letters. I saw this in South London last year.
 

Fugly

ADC
DirtyBAT
#4
Some people have described my car as a "metal coffin", both because of the way i drive it and its mechanical condition.

The only worry is, will they be willing to dig a hole large enough to accomodate me and my metal coffin?
 
#5
Fugly said:
Some people have described my car as a "metal coffin", both because of the way i drive it and its mechanical condition.

The only worry is, will the be willing do dig a hole large enough to accomodate me and my metal coffin?
Filling the fuel tank and cremating you in it is always an option.
 

Fugly

ADC
DirtyBAT
#7
call_me_jack said:
Fugly said:
Some people have described my car as a "metal coffin", both because of the way i drive it and its mechanical condition.

The only worry is, will the be willing do dig a hole large enough to accomodate me and my metal coffin?
Filling the fuel tank and cremating you in it is always an option.
Yes, but then the world will be left with a burnt-out car with a pissed-off corpse, still firmly above ground.

I'd rather not go through the crusher before descending below (in more ways than one - ah yes! the sins!)
 
#9
I already have a gravesite, next to my parents in the military section of a local cemetery. I'll be buried with full military honors, as a retiree from the Army. I'll also as a retired LE, have pall bearers from my department as well as their honor guard.

Representitives from the Special Forces Association, Chapter XVI will be represented in chapter uniform, as well as retirees and friends from my police department.

Military Chaplain (From active duty, 1st Special Forces Group (Abn.)
Military Firing SQD. (1st SFG(A)
Taps Military (Bugle)
Bag Pipes (Police Department)
Flag presentation to widow, (Military detail from 1st SFG(A)
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#12
Random_Task said:
I certainly won't be having my coffin painted white, resplendent with the Cross of St George and the words "England" painted on the side in black letters. I saw this in South London last year.
Classy. Be funny as f*ck if it was a Jock inside :lol: :lol:
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#13
Why would I want to plan my own funeral? I will never die. I am immortal!

I suppose though, if I did die in a freak accident, I would insist that no-one is to wear any item of black. Black is just sooooo last year! I want an MDF coffin, and my ashes launched into the air in a firework.
 
#14
I'm seriously thinking of the ashes in a rocket thing. Aimed to air burst over Campion Lines so I may disappear after having put another one over them. I'd want one of those rockets that makes all sorts of farts and squeaky sounds. I'd like the actual funeral to be planned and carried out by one of those American guys who does cattle auctions
 
#17
Donate my body to medical sceince only way a thicko like me will get to medical school :D .Money saved can be put behind the bar .Though the idea
of having my skull cleaned and turned into a jackin the box and hidden in copehill down as a bobytrap appeals .
Dont really care as long as it before my daughters and not a mass grave
so 90s .And the mourners can have a drink on me .
 
#18
I want EVEYONE in Black, wailing and crying and wondering how they will go on. Few people trying to throw themselves into the grave wouldn't be taken as an offence.

None of this 'lets celebrate life' claptrap.

And I dont think I want to be cremated now- pub discussion revealed that metal work is taken off coffins and the heat of the furnace causes crematee to sit up?!

Can anyone confirm/deny?
 
#19
easy-wan-kenobi said:
anyone else ever thought about this??

how do you envisage your own funeral?

would it be a grand affair?

would only 5 or less people show up?

how would you like it to go and of course what would you not like to happen?

any choice music? get the tears rolling or something funny that someone might remember you by? alot of people say "see you later alligator!" but has it ever been done? will you be the first?!

what about the place... a military cemetary or like my wish, a viking longboat set ablaze!
the floor is yours!
My bold
Does the viking longboat option include the traditional wife being burnt alive in the longboat?
 
#20
In my will I have dictated the funeral i require. Guests will turn up as a lone piper plays "The flowers of the forest" and other appropriate laments.

Solid, Arrse-approved hymns like "I vow to thee my country" will be interspersed with readings and memorials. The coffin will then be removed to the accompaniment of a New Orleans style jazz band playing "East St Louis toodle-oo". At the grave-side a recording of Sgt McKenzie" will play.

Afterwards there will be whisky, haggis, tatties and neeps, and a barrel or two of Ireland's finest. I imagine the Guinness brewery will send that gratis, as a mark of respect and gratitude.

I hope there will be dancing, a sing-song and possibly one or two fist-fights.

I will leave funds to pay for a mysterious attractive skinny bird in black lace holding a red rose to sit in the back of the church, snivelling and wailing. This will be my last prank on the fenian bride and will teach her to take me for granted.

In the event of her pre-deceasing me, I will pay for a big black man to come up to me at her funeral and loadly and tearfully say "How will we ever manage without her? Sex will never be the same again." I will pat him on the shoulder comfortingly and loudly reply "Never mind Leroy, it was good while it lasted." That will also be a good prank...
 

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